LOVE BRINGS PAIN LOVE BRINGS JOY
by Biddy429
Summary: Edward left Bella in New Moon, she cannot cope without him, she has a nervous breakdown, Alice finds out Bella is in a Psychiatric Hospital and is catatonic - Alice tells Edward he find out but what does he do now?
1. Chapter 1

_**Welcome to my new story LOVE BRINGS PAIN LOVE BRINGS JOY - yep I know the title is not the best but its all I've got right now! **_

_**I would like to thank my lovely Beta Miss JayJay for pouring over my story and doing the necessary tweaks to make it so much better - I have reposted it after she has done the tweaking (just incase you are thinking I've duplicated the story!)**_

_**Just to make sure you are all aware, I do not own Twilight or anything to do with it, especially the characters themselves, I have just kidnapped them for a while and I will be bending their will to my command - mmmmm, don't know if that sounds right! Anyway, I am gonna make them do what I want them to do!**_

_**I hope you enjoy my story and please remember and leave me a review - the more the merrier! **_

_**The first chapter is from Bella's POV and Edward has just left her in New Moon, alone and in the woods………..**_

Chapter One - Bella POV - Abandoned

I could not believe that he left me, what was I to do now? I am all alone; I cannot cope with this at all. Why did he tell me he loved me, why did he lie to me, he promised he would never leave me, he promised he would always be there for me.

The pain is too much, I can hardly breathe. His words hurt me so much, he said he no longer wanted me, that he was leaving this place and going far away and he promised to never return. He said that I would forget him; it would be as though he never truly existed! How can he say that after all he had said before about loving me?

Some 18th birthday party that was, oh yes it was memorable but for the wrong reasons! Okay, I did get attacked by a blood thirsty vampire but Edward managed to stop him before anything really happened. For god sakes, when Edward pushed me out of the way he hurt me more than anything else! I had gotten a paper-cut of all things! Then Jasper tried to get to me but as I said, Edward stopped him in time, it shouldn't have been such a dramatic incident but of course when I am involved, everything turns out to be worse than it should have been. I landed on top of all the fancy crystal and ended up slashing my arm, yes there was blood everywhere but at that point both Edward and Jasper were on another wavelength altogether, one where I could never reach them.

Yes, Edward was very protective of me and I applaud him for that but what I cannot understand is why he has discarded me so easily. I am so confused, I just cannot understand anything anymore, it was all so perfect but it took just a few short minutes to ruin.

He took me home that night after Carlisle stitched me up and repaired my cuts, Edward stayed with me that night too but grudgingly. I knew there was something else bothering him, but I was too frightened to ask what. He gathered me in his arms and hummed my lullaby to me while I slept but the next day, well what can I say, the next day he was so cold and distant towards me. It was as though I had caused all the damage deliberately, it was as though it was my fault that Jasper could not control his thirst, it was my fault that Edward had to push me out of the way and my fault again that I had a huge cut down my arm. The next morning I went to school as usual. Edward was there, again as usual but there was no Alice, Jasper, Rosalie or Emmett. That really confused me and I felt so guilty when I realised that I was the cause of the empty spaces at the Cullen table, I had driven the others out of school! Imagine my confusion once again when Edward asked me to meet him after school to go for a walk into the forest. I should have said "no" but I cannot refuse him anything, especially when he smiles that crooked smile at me! So I met him and we went for our short walk into the woods, it turned out our walk was just a few steps into the forest where I could still see the house and that is when he burst my bubble and left me like this, broken and wounded.

I hear you ask, what on earth did he say to you, well it's like this, he told me that he never really loved me, oh not in so many words but that was the idea! He told me that he and his family were moving on and that he did not want me to go with him. He was quite harsh in his methods, his aim reaching its target and crushing me to the extent that I do not feel that I can recover.

So, here I am, lying here in the woods. I am cold, lost and alone. I have run through the woods, tripping over tree roots and the like, falling and picking myself up and running again. My throat is burning with the sobs racking my body, my heart is definitely broken into a thousand pieces, my body aching from hitting off the ground and the trees so many times, my tears have since dried on my face and no doubt my eyes are red rimmed and puffy. I am so tired, I have no energy to fight anymore, and he has gone, he vanished without a single trace, as if he had never existed, just like he said. I feel myself slipping into an uneasy slumber and before long the darkness has claimed me.

I have no notion of how long I lay there but I feel the sensation of being lifted high in the air with two warm and strong arms holding me. My thoughts drift, _"maybe he has returned, maybe he has found me _but they are not cold, it is not him. I care not who has found me as my life is no longer worth living without him.

I hear voices around me, panicking voices, voices that sound relieved, mumblings of others with concern in their voices but I no longer care of what they think and I do not care who they are. I need him but he is no longer here.

All I know now is that I am safe, although I do not want to be wherever this is, but I am safe and I am warm. Inside I am broken and in pain. It is a pity that my surroundings do not reflect my inside turmoil.

_Nearly six months later..............._

_Edwards POV_

I am sitting here in this filthy attic; I have become nothing but a monster, to all intents and purposes, my true calling! I laugh to myself, this is what I deserve. I have hurt her so much, I have lied to her so what else should I expect? I came here six months ago, as far away as I could get, away from her, away from my family. I deserve to hurt for what I have done, I deserve to suffer, I do not deserve the love she gave me.

I truly hope that I have done the right thing. I hope against hope that she has moved on and met someone else who will make her happy. Someone who will be able to be with her, love her and care for her, someone who will not be a threat to her and keep her safe. Someone who is certainly NOT like me! What was I thinking in the first place? Why did I kid myself into thinking that I could form a relationship with a human, I was stupid to think it would all turn out the way I had hoped. I was an ignorant fool to even think I could play human alongside her.

I look around me in this filthy place; the rats are squirming around the place foraging for something to eat. There are bats in here too! I am sitting in the roof of an old derelict building somewhere in Brazil. I came here in the hope that no-one, not even Alice, could find me although I know that Alice will always know where I am. Alice is like that, always thinking of others and looking out for them, not like me.

I miss my Bella, although it is nothing more than I deserve. I also miss my family; I could not spread my doom and gloom on their existence. It would be too much for them to bear. I need to suffer this torment on my own.

I do not know how long I have sat here, but it must have been a long time, perhaps days or weeks even. I have seen the sun come up many times and go down again. I have lost count of the number of days and nights I have been here, it must be at least 182 at least which would mean it was nearly 6 months. How time passes!

I try and contact my family every few weeks to let them know that I still exist. I know they worry so I do not wish to cause them any further distress. I have asked Alice not to look for my Bella as it would not be fair to either Bella or Alice. Bella needs to get on with her human life and does not need "us" contaminating it. So far Alice has complied with my request and I hope that she continues to do so.

I have a compulsion to check on Bella, to make sure she is happy and to make sure she is safe and well. I cannot however afford to give in to this compulsion because if I do I will go back to her and I am not strong enough to resist her.

Oh well, another day of sitting here watching the rats run around, counting how many black ones there are and how many brown ones, so far I have counted five hundred and thirty brown and two hundred and seventy six black – strange how there are more brown! I am busy counting when my cell phone rings. I remove it from my pocket and clip it open. _"_Ha! Twenty three missed calls from _Rosalie! Why Rosalie?"_ I am very confused, why on earth would Rosalie of all people be calling me? I mean, Carlisle or Alice, yes, even Esme, but _Rosalie!_ We had not spoken since I left Bella, I was too angry to speak to her and she too self-righteous to speak to me, it was a case of "I told you so". So, we had decided that we would not make contact with one another, just to be on the safe side!

I decided that I was not going to answer it, why on earth should I, twenty four missed calls would not be any different to twenty three! I replaced my cell back into my pocket. No sooner had I done that when the damn thing rang again, I ignored it. The only problem thereafter was that it started to ring every five minutes or so. I had taken enough when the caller had decided to continue calling every five minutes, bringing the missed call total to forty nine altogether! In a fit of anger I pulled the cell from my pocket once again and checked the caller display. I was surprised to see that, yes I had around thirty missed calls from Rosalie but the remainder were from Alice! I was confused and concerned at this. Why would both of them be calling me, unless there was something wrong with one of my family! I froze at the thought of that and felt so guilty then for not answering in the first place. Many thoughts ran through my head, the main one being "_Esme, my mother, there must be something wrong with Esme" _I immediately pressed re-dial and called Alice who answered straight away....

"_Edward, thank God," _she breathed_. _

"_Alice, what's wrong, I have a lot of missed calls on my phone from both you and Rosalie is everyone all right?" _I said nervously.

Alice spoke quickly_, ""Edward, why didn't you answer your cell, both Rose and I have been trying to get you for ages, and to answer your question, everyone is okay here"._

I was so relieved that all was okay, especially Esme. I could not forgive myself if anything had happened and I was not there to help. I felt guilty all over again abandoning my family.

Alice spoke again, _"Edward, Edward, are you there?" _

"_Yes Alice I am here, now what do you want to speak to me about?" _I asked_. _

"_Edward we want you to come home, we need you to come home, as soon as possible, please?" _She replied_._

I did not answer immediately, I thought of what she said for a few seconds and then said,

_""Alice you know how I feel about coming back to be with the family, you know why I left, I cannot, I am sorry!"_

"_Oh Edward, I wish you would reconsider, for Esme at least, please?" _she pleaded_. _

"_No Alice, my mind is made up, I am not coming back" _I said with a note of finality in my voice.

"_Well then Edward, you leave me no alternative!" _declared Alice in a determined voice.

It was at that moment that I realised that I was not going to win this argument, Alice had something up her sleeve and I think it was something that I was not going to like, not at all.

"_Alice..." _I said warningly_, ""What are you talking about?"_

"_Okay, it's like this, er........well its Bella........" _she mumbled_._

"_Bella, what about Bella? Please Alice tell me you did not look for her, please tell me?" _I implored of her as my anger started to rise at the thought of Alice seeing Bella when I said not to!

"_Edward I did not do it deliberately, you know I would not do that, you know how my visions work, sometimes I cannot help it as they come to me, I'm so sorry Edward, I really did not want to be the one......." _she trailed off_._

By this time I was frantic with worry, obviously there was something wrong with Bella. No matter how I felt or what I have done to her, if she needed me for anything, if she was hurt then I would go to her, there was no question of this. How she would cope afterwards or indeed how I would cope after is not something I would consider now.

"_Alice, tell me, please?" _I demanded_. _

_""Bella is....well she is really ill, she has been ill since you left......Charlie has tried to be there for her, he has tried to care for her but it has been too hard, so she is in the hospital now......." _

Before she could finish I was already standing up pacing and shouting down the phone at her.

"_What do you mean she is in the hospital and she has been ill since I left, what is wrong with her?" _I shouted and some of the rats scuttle away from me, startled at the sudden uproar_. _

"_Edward, calm down and I will tell you. Shouting at me won't do any good and it certainly won't help Bella. Yes, she is in hospital, she has had a breakdown. She has not left her room since we left; Charlie has gotten doctor after doctor in to see her all to no avail. She has been totally unresponsive since then and she is catatonic now. She is in a Psychiatric Hospital Edward. They don't know if she will recover_ _from this. Edward, we need to go to her, we cannot leave her like this, please Edward, she is my friend too"_

Alice was almost sobbing now, not that vampires can sob or cry but I know she loves Bella as much as I do and she is heartbroken about this.

"_Yes Alice, we will go to her, I will get the first flight that I can get from Rio and let you know when my plane lands. We will help her get better and be there for her" _I vow as it's the least I can do for Bella.

I could almost hear the relief pouring down the phone from Alice.

_""Thank you Edward, thank you, phone me and let me know what time your flight arrives and I will pick you up at the airport. I will go and tell Carlisle and Esme that you are coming back. I will also go tell Charlie if that's okay?" . _Alice asks tentatively

I was not sure about Charlie; after all I caused all of this so I did not think I would be the most welcome person in his daughter's life.

_""Yes Alice, tell Esme and Carlisle however I am not sure about Charlie at all...." _I reply_. _

"_Don't worry about Charlie, Edward. I told him I was going to call you and he was all for you coming back to see if you could help her, yes he is angry but he also understands that his daughter comes first and if you are what she needs he will accept that" _explains Alice.

I was stunned to say the least! _""Okay then, I will see you soon then!"_

I terminated the call and sat back for a moment to think. I will soon be seeing my Bella, my love. To think of her in such a place is beyond belief and to think that this is all my fault is a heart breaking thought indeed. I have hurt her so much that I wonder if she can ever forgive me. That remains to be seen as I am not sure yet if she can recover from this much less forgive me for how I have treated her!

I stand up and go to prepare for my journey "home".

_**Well, all I can say now is REVIEW – I would also appreciate if you would give some time to my other stories, ie PORTFOLIO; IZZY AND THE BUTTONS; MY STUPID TWILIGHT and my one shot – TO HAVE AND TO HOLD FROM THIS DAY FORWARD!**_

_**I don't tend to get many reviews at all – I get annoyed at this especially as I review every story I read and review every chapter too so feel that it is not much to repay the compliment. **_

_**PLEASE PLEASE READ AND REVIEW – I WILL LOVE YOU FOREVER!**_


	2. Chapter 2

_**Hello Twilighters, hope I can call all you readers that! Here is the next instalment of my story. This may be a chapter that you don't like, I will understand but I feel that it is a necessary one to have in my story in order to let me move onto the next part! I shall explain a bit: Bella is in a "catatonic" state in this chapter – not a coma – she is awake although not responsive to anyone, does not speak, does not move, touch or feel anything, she shows little or no emotion and is not responsive in any way. She does not show any recognition in respect of any of her family or friends. I initially thought to write this chapter in Bella's POV but realised that this would not be practical, neither would it be of any use writing it from Edwards's perspective. I considered using Charlie's POV but again could not see where I could go with it so, I have taken the decision to write it from MY perspective and called it the Authors POV – there's a new one for you! You could say it was in the third person!**_

_**I would like to mention that I own nothing to do with the entire Twilight Saga, Stephanie Meyer owns it all, I only own my own story and what I make the characters do. I do not own the characters at all, I have only kidnapped them in order to make them comply with my wishes so, read and enjoy PLEASE!**_

_**Oh, and I would like to convey my heartfelt thanks to my Beta - MissJayJay - a lovely girl and a lovely writer! Go read her stories too!**_

CHAPTER 2

AUTHORS POINT OF VIEW

Charlie, Bella's dad, had called together a search party to look for her. She had been missing for hours now; he was getting seriously worried for his daughter.

He had called the Cullen's house to which he only got an answering machine, which was no use. He did not know at this point that the Cullen's' had all gone. He had called Bella's cell, again no reply. He had called each and every one of her friends, all to no avail. He had even called Edwards cell, again nothing. He was really, really scared for his daughter now because it was a very cold night and there was a storm brewing.

He was delegating his deputy's on what routes to search on and just as they were ready to head off a figure walked out of the woods carrying a bundle.

It was Jacob Black who ran towards the figure and began shouting

"Sam, is that you, did you find her, where did you find her?".

At the sound of his voice, Charlie's head turned around and he realised that Sam had found Bella.

He ran towards him and shouted "Where was she, is she okay?"

Charlie was trying to gather Bella to him, pulling her out of Sam's arms.

"I found her in the woods Charlie, she is unconscious, I think she might be suffering from hypothermia, we need to get her warm quickly" Sam replied urgently as he towered above the rest of the search party and made his way through the crowed that had gathered.

Giving up trying to gather Bella in his arms, Charlie immediately dug out his cell and called 911 and spoke quickly to the operator.

It was not long before an ambulance arrived and they were on their way to the hospital. Charlie sat in the ambulance with Bella; the Paramedics had wrapped her in an aluminium blanket to retain any body heat and put her on oxygen. She was connected to all sorts of machines which were monitoring her heart rate and breathing and blood pressure. As soon as they arrived in the hospital she was taken to the ER resuscitation room for treatment. Charlie waited for hours while they worked on her, every second of every minute was a nightmare for him. He did not know if Bella was going to live or die, it was sheer torment for him and the minutes dragged by painfully.

He decided to use the time to call Renee; although he did not want to give news like this to her mother he knew he had to do it. Renee said she would be on the next flight from Phoenix.

After a while the doctors came through to speak to Charlie and told him that while she was stable for the time being, it was still touch and go, it had been very difficult getting her temperature up and it was still dangerously low. They still had no idea if there had been any brain damage from a fall she had taken as she had hit her head badly and she also had a concussion. She was still unconscious and there was no way to tell how long she would be in this condition. All they could do now was to hope and pray, not that praying was something Charlie would normally do but he was desperate to try anything to help save his little girl.

Charlie was devastated, as was Jacob, her friend. Renee arrived shortly after and was given the news; she too was distraught and inconsolable. What were they going to do now, how would Charlie and Renee cope if they lost their beloved daughter.

They sat with Bella for hours but there was little or no improvement in her condition. All they heard were the bleep bleep bleep of the monitors that she was attached to.

One afternoon Charlie was sitting with Bella, holding her hand and talking to her as though she could hear him.

There was a light knock to the door and Charlie said "come in",

Jacob Black walked into the room and said, "Hi Charlie, hope you don't mind if I visit, I just wanted to see how she was" he whispered as he approached the bed slowly.

"Yeah Jacob, its fine and as you can see, there is no improvement" Charlie replied sadly.

Jacob stood and stared at Bella lying still in the hospital bed.

"I could kill that Cullen guy for doing this to her!" Jacob said in an angry tone.

Charlie looked up quickly and said "Now Jacob, you can't go blaming others for Bella's actions, you know how stubborn she can get"

Jacob looked at Charlie with an astonished look on his face "Charlie, I can't believe you are not angry with him, he did this to her, she loved him so much and he just walked away and left her, he just left her Charlie!"

Charlie sat still for a moment then shook his head and said "Jacob, you're wrong, I am angry but what is the point in that? It won't help Bella now will it? If he were to walk back in here right now and if that's what Bella wanted then what would you have me do, tell him to beat it and get out of her life. That would be no use because she would only hate me then. So, I may hate him, I may be angry but at the end of the day I need to think about Bella and what makes her happy and not me!"

Jacob just looked at Charlie in total amazement and shook his head.

"Charlie, are you telling me that if Edward Cullen walked in here right now, even though Bella is in a coma for God sake, you would let him stay and be with her, really, you would do that?". Jacob asked in disbelief.

Charlie responded with, "Yes Jacob, I would, because she is my daughter and I want her to be happy and if she wants Edward Cullen then that's okay, coma or no coma"

Jacob stood in the middle of the hospital room and was unable to speak for a few short minutes, he could not believe that Charlie Swan had said this; he had counted on him saying the opposite.

He thought for a moment and then spoke "Well, I can't say I'm not disappointed Charlie, I really thought you wouldn't let him back in her life again"

"Jacob, the point is mute really, he isn't here is he, so there is little point in discussing it further. Look, don't take this the wrong way Jake, because I know you are a good kid and mean well but I would really prefer if you left now, I don't want Bella to have any bad vibes from this conversation and I honestly think you are only saying these things out of jealousy as I know you really like her yourself. I mean I don't blame you, but please Jacob......" said Charlie.

Jacob just nodded and said "Okay Charlie, I will go, I'm sorry for upsetting you and hope that Bella makes a full recovery"

"Thanks Jacob, tell your dad I will phone him soon will you?" said Charlie, to which Jacob nodded and said his goodbyes.

Jacob was not happy but he was clever enough to understand that Charlie was distraught just now about his daughter and also the fact that he would do absolutely anything for her if it made her better even though that included having Edward Cullen back in her life.

Jacob snorted to himself "_ha, those bloodsuckers have a lot to answer for, leaving Bella in the woods like that, who do they think they are, I'll be damned if I let Edward Cullen back into Bella's life. I will go along with what Charlie wants for the time being but as soon as Bella is up and about and has recovered I will let her know what I think of the bloodsucking family"_ and with that Jacob walked out of the hospital to his truck and drove home to La Push.

Back at the hospital, Charlie and Renee took turns to sit with Bella throughout the nights and the days.

It was during one of those nights that Bella stirred and woke up from her coma screaming for Edward, she had to be sedated as she was so distraught. Both Charlie and Renee were relieved that she had came out of the coma but now they were worried at what her mental state would be when she finally did wake up.

Her physical injuries were long healed by now and she suffered no adverse affects from them. Her mental state however remained a cause for concern.

Bella did awaken from the coma but this was a slow process as the doctors seemed to think a gradual awakening was better for her than coming round and staying awake. Apart from anything else she was extremely weak. She would be awake for an hour or so and then would be given an injection to put her back to sleep. This continued for a few weeks until she gained enough energy and strength to stay awake on her own accord. The saddest thing was that when she did come around she did not speak at all; she did not show any emotions or feelings to anyone and she continued to worry everyone as there was no medical reason for her behaviour. Charlie and Renee talked to her continuously, trying to cheer her up and make her smile but there was no response to any of their attempts, Bella did not smile, speak or even show any recognition towards them.

The doctors advised both Charlie and Renee that she had experienced an emotional trauma and that her subconscious was protecting itself by withdrawing inwards. She did not seem to have any memory but she did not communicate either in any way, shape or form so the doctors could not tell what was wrong, if anything at all and could not determine if she would snap out of it on her own.

This continued for the next few months and when all possible tests and treatments were exhausted there was no other option other than to transfer her to a specialised care facility which would be better equipped to deal with her condition and aid her recovery further.

Charlie and Renee were not happy with the situation at all but the doctors explained that her continuing to stay in mainstream hospital would only delay her recovery further and specialised care was the best route to take.

It was then decided that she would be transferred to a facility in Washington DC.

Charlie and Renee visited religiously but there was no improvement whatsoever. Renee became very distraught and began to blame herself. So much so that it was affecting her own health and Charlie persuaded her after a long period to stop visiting as much and convinced her to return home to Phil in Phoenix, Arizona and he would update her regularly. Charlie continued his visit faithfully until he could not stand it any longer; it hurt too much to see her in such a state. She would sit on top of her bed for hours, or sit in the day therapy room being totally unresponsive. Not even the treatments or medications she was receiving touched her in any way. The doctors seemed to think that her mind may be triggered by a familiar face but they were not really all that convinced as every one of her friends had visited and there was no response whatsoever. He eventually cut down his visits which he found very hard to do but he found it harder and harder visiting Bella and watching her just lie there or sit in a chair not moving, not talking and at times not eating at all. It was breaking his heart. He was at his wits end and did not know how to help his beloved daughter. There were many times that he left the facility in tears because of this.

Charlie made a suggestion that perhaps an old boyfriend of Bella's might be the answer, he did not agree with his own thoughts but at the same time he felt that it might work.

It was when the decision was made to look for the Cullen's that Alice had received a vision about Bella.

_**Hope you liked it. It's not the best chapter I have written but as I said before I felt that it was a necessary one! I beg your forgiveness as I am writing this as I think of it so there may be a couple of bits that I have repeated although I have gone over it a few times to make sure.**_

_**Now your job is simple – REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW – I will love you forever and a day if you review my story!**_

_**Please have a look at my one shot – TO HAVE AND TO HOLD FROM THIS DAY FORWARD – it's a longish one but I would value anyone's opinion on it!**_


	3. Chapter 3

_**More of this story for my beloved readers to pour over! I hope you are all enjoying my story, I know I am and I can't wait to find out what happens next either!**_

_**This is another chapter which has been re-posted due to my lovely Beta - Miss JayJay who has tweaked my story to make it so much better! Thank You!**_

_**I own nothing, as I have said before I have kidnapped the characters from Twilight and I am bending them to my will do not own them or the story (well I do own my own story) – Ms Meyer is the real owner of all of this and I suppose she does not mind the odd person borrowing them here and there! I am not going to bring in all the usual suspects unless my story progresses that way but so far I have included Jacob although I didn't want to – he is not one of my favourite characters so I got Charlie to get rid of him early – that's him done and dusted for a while anyway!**_

_**Read on people and I hope you enjoy...........**_

Chapter 3 - Edwards POV 1

Alice had gone to visit Charlie and told him that I was returning to visit Bella. He was not entirely happy but he also knew that it was Bella that he had to think of now and not his own anger towards me. There was no guarantee however that a visit from me would help Bella in any way, but I had to try, as did Alice. We at least owed her that, or should I say I owe her that, after all Alice did nothing, she didn't want to leave in the first place, and if she did come through this and remember me and want to be with me then all the better, I would be the happiest vampire in existence and I will vow to keep her safe for all eternity and never let her go.

Alice had borrowed Carlisle's car and arranged to pick me up at the airport. We travelled together to Forks and our first stop was to go and see Charlie. I did not want to go to the hospital without letting him know that I was back, I owed him that at least. I need to show him my respect for his daughter and that I am not just charging back into her life and I need to prove to him that I won't hurt her again.

We arrived outside his house and I noticed that his cruiser was parked in its usual place. Alongside it sat the second loveliest sight I had ever seen, my beloved Bella's truck! I had always hated the thing but at that moment when I spied that monstrosity, it made me feel happy for some reason, it made me feel that bit closer to her. I pushed my feelings aside and concentrated on the task in hand. Alice had turned off the ignition and we both exited the vehicle and made our way to the front door. Charlie must have been watching our arrival because no sooner were we halfway up the path, he had the front door open. Alice sprinted the rest of the way up the path and enveloped him in a bear hug.

He said "Oh Alice, I am so glad to see you..... Bella...."

"Ssh Charlie," said Alice in a soothing voice, "We are here now to help"

Charlie stood back and nodded his head, I did not get the same kind of welcome but then I really did not expect anything else anyway I was surprised when he inclined his head towards me and said,

"Thank you for coming Edward, I appreciate you coming here,"

I replied by saying, "I am only sorry that I left Charlie, this would not have happened if I had stayed, I am so very sorry".

He looked at me and said nothing. I was not so much of a fool to think that he would have forgiven me, indeed probably the opposite but on reading his thoughts I realised that he was happy to see me, if it meant that it would help Bella. Well at least there was that!

"Come inside both of you, you have had a long journey" he ushers us in and we both followed Charlie inside the little house which still smells faintly of Bella.

"Alice, can I get you a coffee or anything, what about you Edward?" Charlie asks politely.

Alice spoke for both of us "No Charlie, we are both fine, we had er....something on the way here" Quick thinking, my sister.

Alice sat down on the settee and I took my place in the seat I always sat in when I was here with Bella. Charlie sat in his own usual armchair.

Alice is the first to speak, "Well Charlie, what happened exactly?" Charlie then proceeds to update us both on how they found Bella the night that I left.

I was utterly horrified when I heard this and I felt the pain in Charlie's voice and I almost screamed in agony myself. I could not believe that I had hurt her so much and caused so much angst in her life, what a true horrifying monster I had become to do such a thing. My poor Bella. He continued to tell us how she was in the hospital and it was almost my undoing. I wanted to run out of the house and go kill something in anger but I had to contain myself and keep up my human pretence for the sake of Charlie and my family, and of course my Bella - if I can even call her that, would she even look at me now, I have hurt her so much it's hard to imagine she would even allow me near her.

He goes on to explain how she would just lie in the hospital bed just staring with a blank expression on her face, not speaking, not smiling, not even a single tear. Then there was the matter of eating, not a bite had passed her lips and not a single drop of water. They had resorted to feeding her via a tube and was connected up to a saline drip to ensure that she got the right amount of fluids and nutrients. It seems that the only reaction they got from her was when she pulled the tubes out. She recovered quite well from any physical injuries however it was her mental health they were most concerned about as she was not recovering at all and as a result of this she had to be transferred to what he called a "facility". Such kind words these humans used to describe a mental institution, but then maybe that's what they called them these days. A hundred years ago they were mental asylums so I suppose calling them "facilities" is a way of moving with the times. I hated the thought that she, my Bella, was in one of these horrid places. I needed to see her, to get her out of there and quick but first I need to get her to respond, I need her to look at me and listen to what I have to say, I will go there every day to try and bring her back to earth as she seems to be all on her own on a different plaine.

I do not think that I spoke throughout Charlie's story of the unfolding events and Alice must have realised this also. I was sitting in the chair gripping the arms and I noticed that Alice was looking at me strangely with a warning pasted on her face. I realised then that I was in danger of ripping the chair apart, not a good thing to do in front of Charlie! I brought myself back to the present. I really needed to learn to control myself in front of Charlie, the last thing we want is me ripping up his furniture as if it is a piece of play-doh.

I cleared my throat and spoke, "Would you mind if we visited her today Charlie?"

"Of course I don't mind at all, if anything I would be very pleased if you went to see her, I will do anything if it would bring her out of this horrible catatonic state" He replied.

I nod and say "Good then we will be on our way then, Alice are you ready?"

"Yes, Edward I am" She says and stands up in readiness to depart.

I did not want to shake hands with Charlie because I did not want him to feel how cold my skin was so I picked up the car keys from where Alice had put them down and said.

"Alice I will go and start the car, Charlie thank you for explaining everything to us, I will speak with your later I hope?"

"Er, yes Edward, thanks for coming and please tell Bella that I love her and miss her, not that she will know what you are saying but I always live in hope" he replied sorrowfully.

I nodded in agreement then left the house and sprinted down to the car. I heard Alice talking to Charlie, he seemed more responsive towards her. Maybe because Bella and Alice had been friends before and he quite liked Alice so talking to her was not as awkward as talking to me!

Alice and Charlie said their goodbyes and Alice gave Charlie a hug as she leaves the house saying, "Bye Charlie, we will let you know how we get on at the hospital, okay?"

"Sure thing Alice, careful driving now and see you later", Charlie calls to us.

I had already climbed in behind the wheel and had the engine ticking over, Alice slid into the car and before long we were heading towards Washington DC to the "facility" to see Bella.

"Alice, please tell me, just how bad is she?" I ask Alice just so I can prepare myself.

Alice sits for a moment and did not speak this only served to infuriate me, "Alice, please" and I looked at her with a pleading expression on my face.

"We....um, Edward it's not looking good, not at all. She has been conscious now for about four months but has not spoken one single word. She has not shown any recognition to either Charlie or Renee and the doctors say she is in this condition as a result of a trauma" she tells me softly.

I sit there concentrating on the road in front of me, I did not trust myself to speak, I could not believe I had caused this, this was all my fault and I needed to do something to fix it, to fix my Bella.

"Alice do you think that it will help her seeing either one of us?" I ask her hopefully.

"I don't know Edward, my visions tell me that she will speak again but they don't for some reason tell me if it is as a result of us returning or when she will come out of this state. My vision does not tell me how long it is before she actively responds , which is odd, it is really strange and I don't understand it, I wish I could tell you what you want to hear but I seem to be blind on this one!" she sounds very frustrated then she goes on when I do not reply. "Edward, you are going to have to prepare yourself for the worst, she may not remember either of us, she may never remember us, not even how much she loved you or indeed how much you loved her. You must prepare yourself for this, it will be very difficult for you I know but you must know that you cannot force this. If this is the way it is meant to be then you will have to accept it" said Alice with a worried and saddened tone to her voice.

I just sat there driving the car as though I was on autopilot, I simply could not believe in a world without Bella, I honestly do not know what on earth I was thinking of by leaving her in the first place. I thought that I was doing the right thing by letting her have a normal and human life. I truly believed that she would learn to live without me, meet someone and be happy. I would have never in all of my existence expected this. I needed to put all of my concentration into helping her now and being there for her. I would do my utmost to make sure that she came through this and recovered to the best of her ability, I will move her to the best 'facility' there is if it will help her. If it also meant that she never remembered me and chose to live her life without me then I would accept that too. It would be the hardest thing I would ever do but I would respect her wishes. It would not stop be from watching her from afar, keeping her safe from a distance, at least I owed her that. I owed her so much I ached to give her so much and all I had to offer her was a cold and dead heart.

She always said I had a soul and I never believed her, maybe there is some truth in her words. Maybe I should have listened to her more and we would not be in such a horrid place just now.

Oh how much I hate myself now and probably will do forever.

Alice is not speaking at all now, her usual cheery chatter has gone, probably because she is as worried about Bella as I am, we both love her so much although in different ways. Alice thought of her as her sister and best friend and the rest of my family had accepted her so easily as a daughter and a sister. It was only me who seemed to have difficulty in acceptance. I am so stupid at times that I cannot see what I have in front of me and seem to look at all the negative points all the time. I am my worst enemy, or am I?

Enough of this self pity, I thought, I needed to pull myself together and be strong for my Bella.

We had reached the outskirts of Washington and Alice began directing me towards the facility that Bella was in. We reached the dreary looking building quite quickly and I was horrified to say the least to see the state of the place. It looked very cold and dingy but then I supposed, not a lot of visitors would come here so why make it look appealing.

I drove up the long driveway and parked the car in the parking lot at the side of the massive building.

We exited the vehicle at the same time and reached the front entrance. The place was full of security, buzzers and gates everywhere, people walking around like policemen and women, all wearing uniforms and they all had a bunch of keys hanging at their sides.

We buzzed at the main door and a surly looking woman came to the reception saying

"Yes, can I help you?" Before I could speak Alice chirped up

"Yes you can, we are here to see our sister, Bella Swan. Can you show us to her room please?"

The woman looked as though she was about to argue or worse, refuse to let us in, but Alice shone her beautiful eyes at her and the woman buzzed us in.

"Okay, sign here and go to room 45 which is at the end of the corridor on floor 3, take the elevator and turn right, Miss Swan's room is at the end of the corridor, she should be in her room, well she is always in her room, never comes out and never speaks, strange girl that one! Good luck anyway!" she said as we walked away.

It took me a lot of control not to turn around and throttle the woman and I felt a growl stirring deep in my chest, just then I felt a pressure on my arm, it was Alice placing her hand on my arm in an effort to calm me.

"Ssh Edward, we don't need this, not now, leave it please"

I looked down at my tiny sister and nodded saying "okay, let's go see Bella".

We headed towards the elevator although I did not see the point, I could have ran up the stairs quicker but in the interests of looking "human" I complied with the conventional methods of getting to the third floor. The elevator, which must have been at least 90 years old rumbled to the third floor, we exited and followed the instructions we were given to Room 45.

On arriving at the door, I for the first time became really nervous and whispered, "Alice, what if she does not even look at us, what if she is terrified, what do we do?"

"Edward, you love her don't you, well just go in and act normal, don't worry about it, now get in there boy" she said in a no nonsense tone and pushed me forward to the door.

I knocked softly on the door but heard nothing, I knocked again, still no response. I could hear someone inside, I was sure that I heard someone crying and that was my undoing. Before I knew what I was doing, I was in the room, Alice at my back and the sight that met me would have broken my heart into a million pieces if I had one.

My poor poor Bella, I could not believe that I had done this to my love, my Bella, how can she forgive me? I dropped to my knees at the side of the chair she sat in and sobbed dry and broken sobs.

_**Well I truly hope you enjoyed that – so sorry about the cliff-hanger but it wouldn't be a story worth writing without one! I am looking for some ideas now on the next chapter. I don't know what I am going to write yet so any ideas would be welcome. I don't want to give anything away so no sneak peeks!**_

_**Also, I am considering doing a Bella POV while she is in a catatonic state – it will not be a long chapter. I think it will be a hard one to do so please bear with me while I write this and have it ready to post. In the meantime please be kind and leave me some of your fabulous reviews as I shall be only too grateful for them. **_

_**Thanks again all for reading and remember REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW......**_


	4. Chapter 4

_**Welcome once again fellow Twilighters! Once again I have another chapter of this story for you. I hope you like this one, it's a bit different, in as much as the story is not progressing at this stage and my explanation will explain below why!**_

_**This chapter is written as if Bella is dreaming and it is from the perspective of her mind – it may not make a lot of sense and it is not a long chapter – just thought it would be interesting to include this in my story. Hope my idea works!**_

_**Once again I own nothing, S Meyer has it all! I have only kidnapped her characters (for a randsom I might add) in order that I may make them do and say what I want and boy am I gonna make them work! **_

_**Anyway, enjoy and remember the all important part at the end its called **__**R E V I E W!**_

**Chapter 4 - BELLA POV whilst in a catatonic state!**

I am dreaming, I must be dreaming, I have been dreaming for so long now, I am happy in my dreams; I am in my happy place.

He is holding my hand and we are running through the woods, occasionally we gaze at one another adoringly, the sun shines off our skin and the effect is amazing, like diamonds glittering. We are so much in love, life is wonderful.

Suddenly, I trip and fall to the ground, my love is nowhere near me, _oh, where has he gone_! _Why has he left me like this, why_? Ouch, I have hurt my ankle, it hurts so much, he does not come to help me, I am alone here in the woods. _How did I get here_ I wonder. As I lie on the cold and wet ground I sob noisily. I do not know how long I lie here for but I can feel the dark surround me and then from a distance I can hear something moving in the trees. I try and get up and fail miserably, my ankle hurts too much so I crawl and manage to scramble my way over to a tree for some sort of shelter. I sink down on the ground once again and I get the feeling that I am being watched, I look up and see that there is a woman standing in the clearing. She looks like a statue, very still, very pale and with the most beautiful red hair I have ever seen. She is not smiling however she seems to be looking at me as though she hates me, _why on earth would she hate me, I do not know her, or do I_? Her beautiful face contorts into a sneer and at that second I am terrified......I just know she wants to hurt me!

She reaches her hand out to me to beckon me forward. I do not move. She smiles, it is an evil smile and the she begins to walk towards me. "_Come Bella, come to me_" she says in a high pitched but oh so feminine voice, a beautiful voice and so appealing. She reaches my side and leans forward as though she is going to caress my cheek. I tremble in fear and she knows I am terrified, I need to get away but where do I go, how do I get away?

I am now standing in our meadow, the sun is shining through the trees but I am still alone. I look around me and expect to see Edward appear at any second and then a wonderful thing happens, my dearest wish is granted. There he stands before me, my one true love, he is smiling, his smile only for me, his eyes a golden amber with so much love shining from them. I walk towards him and as I near him his face becomes distorted. As I reach him I realise that this is not my love at all, it is a man with long black braids and red eyes, I know him and I fear him, it is Laurent! He speaks to me _"Hello my dear Bella, where is your Edward, are you alone?"_ I stand there transfixed in fear and in shock but before I realise what is happening a big russetfurred creature appears from nowhere and lunges at him, it knocks him over and kills him before my eyes. I run as fast as my legs will take me, I am terrified, I hear a voice screaming as though the in terror and realise that it is my own voice I hear. I do not know how long I run for but before long I feel a pair of strong, cold arms catch me before I fall into an abyss of darkness.

I must have fallen into a deep sleep; I must be in my happy place again because I can hear my lullaby. I open my eyes and look up to see my love and think to myself, _it must have been a bad dream_. I am content once again and snuggle back into his cold arms and go back to sleep.

Once again I am floating, this time I am not afraid, I am floating in the water, the water is cold against my skin but I am enjoying the feel of this water, it is so relaxing. A wave washes over me and suddenly I am thrown against a rock, I struggle to keep myself afloat but before long my strength fades and I am dragged under. I feel myself sinking, sinking so fast I cannot comprehend what is happening to me. I think of my Edward and I am rewarded by a vision of him in front of me "_Fight Bella, fight my love, do not die, I beg of you_" Why does he say this to me, why? I feel something pulling at my arm, whatever this is, it is pulling me away from my Edward, I struggle, I do not want to leave him, I kick and squirmto no avail, whatever is pulling at me is so much stronger than me and I cannot fight it. It pulls me towards the surface. I am dragged from the water, I want to stay with Edward but whatever is dragging me away from him is too strong to fight against. _"No no no, leave me, Edward, I need you........" _I mumble. I am pulled into a pair of strong arms, these arms are different, these arms are warm. I feel as though I am being carried and then I am lying on the sand. There is a pressure on my chest, I cough and splutter. I open my eyes and I look into a pair of warm brown ones, like my own. I am confused, then a voice speaks _"Bella, what on earth were you thinking of, do you miss him that much_". What he is talking about, I was not trying to kill myself, or was I and who is this person, why has he taken me from my watery grave.

I am too tired to think, I roll over, I am in my bed and my love is beside me with his cold arms around me. He sings my lullaby and I am once again in my happy place. I fall back into slumber content that I am with him.

I am in a field, there are heavy clouds around, the air is cold and damp around us, there are many people standing in the clearing, all standing in ready to do battle. Where am I? I lift my head and see my love standing protectively before me offering me reassurance that everything will be okay. I hear a child's voice say "mama" I look to my right and see a small beautiful girl sitting on top of what looks to be a massive wolf! The wolf looks at me and his eyes are .......kind! Strange! A wolf, now I know I am going mad! Who is the child anyway? My attention is drawn elsewhere however and I turn back to look in front of me and see a group of dark mysterious figures, wait, it is as though they are _floating_ towards us. How ridiculous is that, floating! They are all dressed alike, long dark cloaks with hoods, from where I stand I can see that their eyes are ruby red and they are angry.

Then I realise, they are coming to kill us, who are they, why are they in my dream, is this a dream, oh I wish someone would help me.

_Edward, Edward, where are you my Edward, help me, help me, please I beg of you...................._

_**PLEASE REVIEW........PLEASE?**_

_**I appreciate that you may not think that this chapter makes much sense however it is not really intended to make a lot of sense. This is a chapter to explain to everyone reading this story help them understand what is going through Bella's mind during her catatonic state when she does not react to anyone or anything – obviously I cannot write six months of dreams so I would ask each and every one of you to use your imagination that these are the kinds of things floating in and out of her head during this period.**_

_**I would like to take the opportunity to all those who have added this story to their favourites and who have been reading it – I am absolutely delighted in the responses I have received – not to mention the reviews – all those who have asked for furry cats and chocolate and anything else in payment for reviewing, consider yourselves paid! Thank you so much! **_

_**Biddy429 xxx**_


	5. Chapter 5

_**Another chapter for another day! I hope you are enjoying my story as much as I am enjoying writing it! **_

_**Once again I need to assure everyone that I do not own anything to do with Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse or Breaking Dawn, not a sausage! I don't own any of the characters although it would be great if I did! I don't even own the right kind of brainpower it would require to create such a work! Anyway, as I have said before I have kidnapped the characters and taking them on my own crazy trip and will return them all when I have finished with them!**_

_**Thank you all you kind readers who have read and reviewed – all those who have read and NOT reviewed thanks also but no point in reading without a review! **_

_**Oh well then, here goes.........**_

_**Chapter 5 – EDWARDS POV 2**_

I knelt on the floor at Bella's side; I could not believe the sight before my eyes. She looked so small, so frail and so sad. If my heart was not dead I was sure it would be breaking at this moment, if I could have shed a tear I would have done that too. I knew at that moment that the pain I felt was only a fraction of the pain I had caused her. What kind of monster was I really? The love I felt for this pale, fragile girl was so strong and it was an emotion that I had never experienced before in my existence, either human or vampire. I knew I was a broken man, if that was the correct word to use, if I were a man and I seriously doubted that!

Bella was sitting in a large armchair; she was wearing what looked like a pair of jogging pants and a t-shirt. Not the cleanest outfit I had ever seen her in, do they not look after their patients in here and don't seem to be making sure they had clean clothing, which is diabolical to say the least! I would get Alice to sort that out straight away.

She sat there unmoving, not staring at anything in particular, just staring straight ahead. I wondered what, if anything was going through her head. More than ever I wish that I could read her mind at this moment, if only to find out how she was and if there was any way out of this situation for her, find out if the real Bella was in there at all.

I looked at Alice and I could see the shock and pain mirrored in her eyes at the sight of my Bella.

She walked over to where I was and knelt down alongside me and spoke quietly "Do you think she knows we are here Edward? Look at the state of the clothes she is wearing, I will get some decent outfits for her later"

Shaking my head, I replied, "Thank you Alice but I am not sure Alice, I am going to do my utmost to bring her out of this state, I can at least promise her that"

"How Edward, we cannot force her, we must be careful, if she is not ready then who knows what damage we will do......" said Alice softly.

"I will not force her Alice, I will simply be here for her if she accepts me, if it takes forever I will be here" I promised solemnly.

Alice nodded her agreement and stood up to walk to the window. As she did so I took the opportunity to try and speak to Bella and see if she showed any sign that she knew I was here.

I slowly reached over to her as she sat on the chair unmoving. She was sitting there just staring blankly into space; she looked as though she was in some sort of trance, not even acknowledging that I am even in the room at all.

I lifted my hand and laid it on top of hers and spoke ever so softly so I would not frighten her, "Bella, can you hear me, Bella, it is I, Edward?" Nothing, not even a flicker of the eye, not a thing. I would not give up so easily so I tried again, "Bella, Bella my love, can you hear me, Bella, I love you Bella?" Once again there was no response.

I turned to Alice and said "She cannot hear me Alice, this is so futile, would you like to try?" Alice nodded and walked towards the chair. I moved out of the way to let her sit beside Bella. I heard her speak to Bella quite a few times and not once did she respond. I did not expect anything else really. I mean, who did I think I was walking in here expecting to be able to speak to her and then after nearly six months away from her and after all she has been through I expect her react and say "Hi Edward, I've missed you so much, I forgive you for leaving me but what the heck, let's just carry on from where we left of, oh and by the way, I love you!" Really, what was I thinking!

Eventually after a while I said "Alice, this is not going to work is it, it is madness to think it would" I say sadly, giving up hope already.

"Edward, please don't give up, I mean it is very early days yet, my visions don't give me a time span and I think the reason for that is because I cannot relate to Bella just now as she is in a non-responsive state but that does not mean that it won't happen Edward, so please don't give up on her" said Alice.

"Alice I will never give up on her but what can I do to help her, I honestly do not know" I replied.

"Well I was thinking Edward, perhaps Carlisle could help her, why don't we call him and ask him to come see her?" She suggests positively.

I thought about that for a minute and decided that it may be worthwhile asking him to come and see Bella and maybe give his opinion.

"Yes Alice I think that would be a good idea although I really feel that we might be the last people she would want to see when and if she does eventually speak. Will you phone him Alice and explain.....?" I asked Alice and she agreed. Alice then left the room to go and call Carlisle.

While she was gone I pulled up a chair and sat beside my Bella with her hand in mine. My hand was cold but I could not believe how cold her skin was, it was always so warm before, maybe not to her but to me her skin was always warm. That was one of the things I loved about her, that and her beautiful rosy cheeks when she blushed. The twinkle in her eyes when she laughed. I missed seeing her smile, her cheeks glow with a gentle blush, I would even go so far as to say that I missed when she tripped over nothing but her own feet, butI had the pleasure of catching her before she fell, she was so clumsy, she was also so stubborn. What wouldn't I give to have that stubbornness back right now. She would not be my Bella if she were anything other than that, and I missed every tiny little bit of her. I just wish she would come back to me.

I reached up and very gently pushed a stray hair behind her ear, I could have swore I felt her flinch just then but maybe that was down to wishful thinking. I sat with her for quite some time and sang her lullaby to her in the hope that she might hear it and remember.........

ALICE POV

I left Bella's hospital room and went outside to call Carlisle. I wanted to speak to him away from Edward. I did not have any secrets to hide regarding Bella but I was concerned about the fact that I could not see how long it would be before she recovered. All I knew is that she would, some day but that could be anything from a few days to weeks or even months. Nothing was clear and I really could not understand it at all. I really needed Carlisle's advice this time.

I dialled the number and waited for him to answer. It was not long before he did, "Hello Alice, what can I do for you?"

"Hello Carlisle, I am with Edward in Washington, we are visiting Bella in hospital, she had some sort of breakdown and Charlie asked us to visit her**.**, Carlisle we really need your help and advice, she is really ill and we do not know what to do. I cannot see her properly in any of my visions which I find confusing. I do not understand why I cannot see her in my visions, it is very strange and very irritating, have you any ideas Carlisle?"

Carlisle thought for a moment or two then said "Well, I cannot say for certain but it may be that because Bella is in a catatonic state and as she is unresponsive you cannot see her. Remember Alice that to you her mind at present will be blank so it is possible that you will not be able to see her until she consciously makes a decision or comes out of this state, so you will need to have some patience"

It was not the reply I wanted to hear but it was a reply that I could understand, I continued "Carlisle can I ask you to come to Washington please and see her?" For a moment there was no sound on the other end of the phone and I really thought that Carlisle was either going to be very angry with us or simply refuse to help.

I was surprised when I heard him say "I thought that Edward would go back to Bella, I was angry that he left her in the first place. I am very concerned however at the turn of events in her health so I will tell the others and we will all be with you at the earliest opportunity. I will do what I can. Firstly I shall call Charlie as I shall need to speak to her doctors but will require his permission first before doing so, tell Edward we will be there shortly"

"Oh Carlisle, thank you, thank you, we will see you soon"

Carlisle then spoke again "Alice, I know that Bella will not hear you or comprehend what you are saying but please, tell her we all love her very much?"

"Of course I will Carlisle, take care and we will see you all soon" I switched off my cell phone and put it back into my pocket. I went back into the hospital to be with Edward and Bella.

I approached Bella's room and just as I went to enter the room I heard a beautiful song being sang ever so softly and realised that Edward was singing her lullaby to her. I stood outside the room as I did not want to interrupt such a private moment. He looked so sad, I worried about him.

To wait so long to meet the love of his life and for this to happen is tragic. It is really not fair at all; he deserves to be happy so much, as does Bella.

_**There you go, no cliff-hanger – just a nice simple little ending to this chapter – the next chapter will be based once more on Edwards POV. Although I am bringing in the Cullens into the story I have not yet decided if I will have them at the hospital. I don't think I will but you never know what way my mind works! **_

_**All I need you good people to do now is give me some reviews – that's what makes it all worthwhile! **_

_**REVIEW REVIEW AND REVIEW ONCE AGAIN!**_


	6. Chapter 6

_**Okay, You are forgiven for thinking, "she has already posted this chapter so why is she doing it again" Well the reason is that I got side-tracked by my son and managed to delete it from FF so, I need to put it back up again. Not only did I delete it from FF but also from my computer - not having fun I am!**_

_**Anyway, I hope you like this chapter, I had intended on it being much longer but couldn't wait to get it posted. The next part of this chapter will be Chapter 8! Where is Chapter 7 I here you say - ha - well, that's a secret! Keeping you in suspense!**_

_**I just want to give my Beta MistsJayJay a mention here - she does not think she has done much for me but she has, so thank you Jennifer for your help! You don't know it yet but the hardest parts are still to come, mmmmm wonder what the hardest parts are gonna be! **_

_**Well now, get started reading and remember to review!**_

**Chapter 6 - Edwards POV continued**

Alice came back into the room after her call with Carlisle.

"Carlisle and Jasper are coming?" I said, Alice looked at me and replied "Yes, as you heard, Carlisle does not think it would be good for the whole family to turn up here at the hospital so both he and Jasper are coming. Esme, Emmett and Rosalie are heading to the house."

I nodded in agreement. "I just hope that Carlisle can help her in some way, the doctors here don't seem to be able to do much for her here anyway" I said Irritably because really, she has been like this for months and they have done nothing for her! Have they just been leaving her to rot when they found out they couldn't get any response after the first few weeks? They have just given up but it will all change, I will help her. I will.

"Edward, she needs time, her mind, her physical state, it all takes time to recover. Try and not be too impatient, I know you love her and you want her to get better, but it is not going to happen overnight!"

I looked at Alice sharply and said "Of course I know that Alice, it is just so infuriating to know that I could have prevented all of this, if only I had acted differently, if only……….." Of course I have been around long enough to know that the' if only' come part of life but I still cannot help but think how this is all my fault and the 'if onlys' pile up in my mind and it tears me apart.

"Edward, stop it, stop it now, you cannot continue to beat yourself up about this, you need to focus and be there for Bella now, she needs you now more than ever" shouted Alice.

I glared at her, stunned, Alice never spoke to me, to anyone like that, my little pixie sister was just not like that so she must be really worried now. I gave myself a shake and decided to do as she said, be positive and supportive. That's what my Bella needed now, not my self pity and guilt.

I turned back to Bella and started to talk softly to her, telling her about the good times we spent in our meadow, about all the times when I would run through the forest with her on my back, I must have sat there for hours just talking to her in the hope that it would trigger a reaction or something, but there was nothing, not a single thing.

Before long Carlisle and Jasper had arrived in the Volvo. Alice had gone down to the main entrance to meet them and bring them up-to-date on Bella's condition. If I knew Carlisle at all he really did not like talking about a patient in front of them as though they were not there so he would prefer to speak to Alice or myself before seeing her.

I could hear their discussion quite clearly and I heard Carlisle speaking to the receptionist and making arrangements to speak to Bella's doctors. I already knew that he had Charlie's permission to do this so I was quite happy that Carlisle was now here to take over.

Shortly afterwards Alice returned with Jasper. They entered the room quietly. Jasper walked over to Bella and crouched down to look into her eyes. I could see the shock in his own eyes, I don't think he realised just how bad her condition was. I know that Jasper's talent is related to the human emotions but I really did not think that there was anything that he could do here, well at least I did not think there was.

Jasper looked up at me and said "Edward, how long has she been like this?"

"Well, close on six months Jazz, at first she needed to be sedated because she was hysterical and quite violent but not long after she withdrew into herself and has been like this ever since. They say that she is reacting to a trauma in her life, well we all know what trauma she has suffered" I replied.

"She is so still, so quiet and almost peaceful, I have never seen this before, I do not know how to try and communicate with her much less influence her emotionally. I have only used my talents on waking individuals" said Jasper shaking his head in astonishment.

Just then the door opened and Carlisle walked in. He greeted both myself and Alice before walking to lift up Bella's noted and reading over them. Once he was finished reading he looked over at me and said "Edward, could I please have a word outside?" I nodded and said "Of course Carlisle" and stood up to leave the room. Before doing so I said, "Alice, would you mind……..?" Alice immediately took my place beside Bella and continued to talk to her gently.

Once outside the room Carlisle began speaking to me "I have spoken to Bella's doctors and they have agreed to hand her care over to myself. They feel that there is little more that they can do for her here, so if it is okay with yourself, I have taken the decision that we take her to our home. Now before you say anything, I have discussed this with Charlie and he is happy with the idea. He feels that being with us, well you, in particular may be the best thing for Bella. I have also made arrangements to have the necessary medical equipment delivered to the house and spoken with Esme to confirm that this would be acceptable to her also. Everyone is agreement about this Edward but now I need to know how you feel?"

"Carlisle, I am delighted that you are willing to take over her care and I am even more delighted to learn that she will be at our home. All I would like to know now is how soon can she leave this place?" I reply eagerly.

"The arrangements have all been made so we can leave as soon as Bella is ready to go. Shall be go back into her room and tell her? I know she will not understand but we need to talk to her as though she does, we need to keep up as many normal activities as we can around her, now off you go and tell her son"

"Thank you Carlisle, I do not deserve to have such a wonderful family after the way I have not only treated Bella, but you and my family also, thank you!" I said in earnest.

Carlisle smiled and nodded, I think there was too much emotion in the air for him to speak.

I pushed open the hospital room door and walked over to my Bella, Alice immediately vacated the chair and I took her place. Once again I took her hand in mine and began to explain to her what was going to happen and that she was going to be coming "home" with us, home to recover. I never got any reaction from her, I never expected to but now that I would be with her every day I felt more confident that she would recover with help from all of us.

Whilst I continued to talk to Bella, Carlisle was explaining the arrangements for our return home to both Alice and Jasper. It was decided that Alice and Jasper would return to Forks in Carlisle's car and that Carlisle, Bella and myself would travel in my Volvo that Jasper and he had arrived in earlier.

Once everyone knew what the arrangements were we started to prepare for the journey. First of all Jasper retrieved the bag of clothes from the car that Rosalie and Esme had bought for Bella. Alice kicked us all out of the room so that she could get Bella ready for the journey and out of the appalling clothes that she was wearing. Carlisle spent the time getting medical supplies ready and both Jasper and myself brought the cars around to the front of the building. Normally we would not bother as being vampires we could get to the vehicles at our own speed, but we did not want to arouse suspicion and did not want to fly across the parking lot with Bella so felt it was better having the car near the front door.

As soon as Bella was ready I returned to her room and retrieved a warm blanket to wrap her up in. Alice all but scoffed at me, muttering "Overprotective as always". I replied by saying "Alice, we may not feel the cold but Bella might and she cannot tell us so it is best to be prepared. Anyway, that is all she would need now to come down with a bout of the flu"

Alice just smiled and let me go about my business. I wrapped the blanket around Bella carefully and told her that I was going to carry her down to the car. I lifted her carefully and cradled her in my arms. I walked to the elevator and exited on the ground floor, I then walked out to the car. Alice was in front of me with the back door open so I slid in, still holding Bella in my arms. Alice looked at me quizzically so I replied "I am not letting her go now, Carlisle can drive". Alice seemed to accept this and put some other items in the car that Bella might need, water and her medication and the likes. She then closed the door and turned to Jasper.

Before long Carlisle had slid in behind the wheel and both Jasper and Alice were in the other car. We were on the road at a very fast speed heading towards Forks.

I cradled Bella to my chest, she had closed her eyes so I assumed that she was asleep. It was then that I realised something else, when I had wrapped the blanket around her I had secured her arms inside to keep her as warm as possible, but I noticed that her right hand had slipped out of the cocoon of the blanket and was positioned over the spot where my dead heart lay. Her head was tucked under my chin and I was sure that when I had gotten into the car her head was resting on my shoulder. Is this possible, could she have moved, did she know I was there? I was not sure but I decided that whatever it was it could only be considered as good. I held her tighter at that point because there was simply nothing else to do. All I can say is that if I had a beating heart then it would be bursting from my chest at that point in sheer exultation. Yes, it was a sign, she would recover, I was sure of that!

_**Well folks, I hope you all liked it - there is more to come so don't worry! Not a cliffy this time but there is plenty time for cliffhangers in the future chapters!**_

_**I would just like to recommend a couple of authors and their stories for you - in particular MISSJAYJAY and her REMEMBER story which is great! Also, a relatively new writer who has written a fab story although she does not think it is as good as I think - her name is RedRibbonRebecca and the story is I will Do Anthing and this too is great. **_

_**Go read them NOW!**_

_**Remember and REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW - we all need reviews!**_

_**Thanks for reading!**_


	7. Chapter 7

_**Back again, this time with a different type of chapter! I decided that everyone needed to know how Bella was doing stuck in that "safe place" of hers. My Beta has again helped me and I thank her for that. She has suggested a title for this chapter which I am going to use……Emo Bella!**_

_**Yes, she is in a bad way is Bella, but who better to help guide her out of this but……….Edward of course!**_

_**Well, once again I do not own anything to do with Twilight and I still have the characters tied up in my dungeon making them do what I want! He he he! S Meyer owns it all and if she wants to pay me a ransom then I will gladly accept it!**_

_**So, enjoy readers and please remember to leave a review!**_

_**Chapter 7 - EMO BELLA!**_

I know I am in a strange room, in a strange place, probably a hospital but I don't care. It is not a nice place but I don't care about anything anymore, what is there to live for now, nothing!

I can feel pain, I can feel warmth, I can feel cold, I can feel anything but I cannot move, I don't want to feel and I really don't want to move so I don't. I can see and I can hear but I cannot speak. People have tried to get me to do all of these things but I don't want to, I know I am upsetting people but why should I care - nothing is worth it anymore, nothing can motivate me to do these things, everything crumbled to pieces when he left and my life has become just as empty as I feel.

I have been here in this room for quite a while now, probably months, but the essence of time drifts by me now and I have forgotten the meaning of time. People in uniforms come into care for me, they are just like annoying flies buzzing around the room - after so many times they just blend into the furniture and I barely notice them near me now. They give me medicine, they take my blood, they stick needles in me, they speak to me and say things like "How are you today dear" but I never answer them. Well what do they want me to say? Can they not see how I look, can they not tell I am not "well", they must be stupid. Why do I want to speak to stupid people, can they not see that I am unhappy and I do not want to live let alone be here in this horrible place. Why don't they let me die and be done with it.

Someone comes in to bathe me every day, to dress me and sometimes they try and feed me. I let them do what they want but I don't eat for them, I wont eat for them, why should I? They try to feed me through tubes but I don't let them, it's the only time I ever make a noise, when they put in the feeding tube I make an effort to scream, a long high pitch scream that cause's everyone concern but now they are used to it, they know it is only my negative reaction to being fed. I don't want them to feed me in any kind of way but they do it anyway, they say they have to but I still make a fuss and screech constantly until they give in and take the tube out.

Why on earth do they want to keep me alive, what is there for me, there is nothing, nothing at all since he left.

I miss him so much, my love, my Edward, I cannot cry anymore, crying would mean that I would have to show emotion and I cannot let them see me doing that. That would not be part of the plan.

I may be able to feel things but my heart is broken into a million little pieces, as for my soul well I never did care about that!

My arms, my legs, my hands, my ears and my eyes, they are all there but I can't seem to make any of them work, my body has shut down completely, it's as if I have forgotten what it feels like to even stand up. Something in my brain stops me from doing these mundane things, something in my brain does not work because I really don't want to use them anyway, I am like a newborn baby that does not know the difference between walking and lying down, I am useless but I have made it that way - I do not want to use my body any more, I just wish to rot but I would prefer to die. I have already told you, I want to die! I want to sleep the sleep of the dead and never wake up.

I sit here day after day staring ahead of me, I no longer look out of the window as there is nothing to look at but pale grey clouds, and rain. It is dull and cold, perfect for me you would think but clouds, rain and trees are gods creations and they are either full of life or movement, no, they are not for me, the depths of hell are more suited to me, give me hell any day. The wall in front of me tells me a better story, there is a picture on that wall of a little girl and a puppy, the little girl loves her puppy so much. Ha, I think it will not last for long, someone will come along and take the puppy from her and kill it and then where will she be, yep, she will be sad and heartbroken, just like me and her puppy will be where I want to be! Yes, she is as sad and unhappy as I am sitting here. Stupid picture! Stupid Bella!

I must be wearing some sort of clothing, again I really don't care what I am wearing. I am warm, although I could be wearing sack cloth and ashes for all I care. Who is going to see me anyway! I am too ugly.

I do not have a mirror and thank god that I don't. I would not look at it anyway, why would I want to look at my horrible reflection. I am ugly, I am nothing, if I were beautiful he might not have left me so there is little point looking in a mirror in the hope that I might look beautiful one day! That will never happen.

I hate myself so much and I really do not blame him for going, he probably went to that other vampire woman, Tanya or whatever her name is. Now, that is what I call beautiful! I hope they are happy together. I wonder what he is doing now……….no, no no, I can't think of him, it hurts, I can't stand the pain anymore, oh please take me from this life, I wish James had done what he was supposed to do and finish me off.

Hours and hours I sit here pondering on……mmmmmm, what do I ponder on, I really don't know! I cannot recall what I was thinking of a while ago, but then I might have been sitting here for days or weeks "pondering" so I don't know what time has passed at all. I wonder if I am still 18, ha, maybe I am 21, I really don't know and once again I really don't care! I could be 90 for all I care!

I hear a noise outside the door of this prison like room, probably another nurse coming to jab me with something or a doctor to shine something in my eyes. That's all they do anyway. Patronising gits! I don't get any visitors anymore, my dad, well I don't know how long I've been in here for so I don't know when I seen him last! Again, who cares anyway!

The door opens and I hear someone enter the room. I smell a fragrance, mmmmm, I recognise that smell, but what is it! There is more than one person here, I smell another scent, again I know that one too but I just cannot place them. Whatever they are I like them but…………….

I hear their footsteps come towards me, I do not move, I can't move anyway. Someone sits down beside me and lifts my hand and holds it in the palm of theirs. It is a nice feeling, the skin is cold but somehow it is nice. Yes, I like this hand. I hear voices, shocked voices, they talk very quietly, I cannot make out what they are saying so I give up trying to listen.

Then the voice speaks again, oh, he is speaking to me! I wonder why! I cannot answer him but something tells me I should. What is he saying? No, I will not do this, I will not let anyone into my safe place, No. The voice continues and the voice is anguished as though he feels pain. Strange! Why does this voice feel pain. Is it not just me who should have pain. I don't care I tell myself, I don't care. I wonder what he was saying to me!

The voice then continues its conversation with the other person in the room, someone with a light dainty voice. Their conversation continues but again I cannot hear them as they speak too low for me to hear. I really don't want to know anyway because it is too hard to try and concentrate. I don't want to do this, I want peace and quiet. Oh, go away voices, leave me be!

Just when I thought that "they" had gone I felt a pressure near me, someone sat down beside me and started to speak again. It was the same voice, this time I felt a touch near my temple and behind my ear. What was he doing? As if I cared anyway.

For some reason the gentle touch behind my ear and near my temple felt right. Now why would that be, I really don't know! I wish he would do it again! Then, I hear music, well a humming noise, what a lovely tune. I have heard this tune before but my fuzzy brain wont let me figure it out. I just sit here and listen whilst staring at my wall. I feel quite calm now.

I sit here quietly, as if I ever do anything else, and somehow I feel safe. I cannot understand this feeling, I feel safe and loved and cared for. I have not felt like this for a long time and I wonder "why now", "what is different, what is making me feel like this now". It hurts my head to try and figure this out so I block it again. I cannot cope with pain of any kind, so I stop trying to think why I feel different.

After a while I hear more voices, they are close, they are in my room. I am so tired now, I wish they would leave me alone. The voices were all very melodic and nice but I was more than happy with the voice beside me, and also happy that he was holding my hand in his. I was happy listening to that tune being hummed too. Oh, now it has gone and there are too many voices, why has it stopped, it is just not fair, why do people do this to me. I focus on my wall, yes my wall, it is back again, so many nice colours on the wall!.

Someone is moving me, I think it is the person with the dainty voice, she is helping me undress. Why is she doing this, oh let her do what she wants, again I don't care. No-one ever liked my taste in clothes much anyway! Oh, where did that thought come from! I push it away because if I don't it might hurt me again. I have fresh clothes on, I don't know what they look like or what colour they are but then I really don't care.

The voice comes back into the room then and I feel something warm being wrapped around me, it feels good, cosy even. Then I feel as though I am being lifted and carried. I feel the cold air on my face, I don't like it, then I am inside a small compartment and the voice who is carrying me is still with me. I like this voice. I feel safe and secure and I tuck my head under his chin, I feel like I belong, I feel a wetness on my face, oh, I am crying!. I need to touch the voice but I am too frightened to let him know that I want to, so I manage to get my hand out and place it where his heart is, oh, I cannot feel anything there but I am really not surprised, now why is that? For some strange reason, I am happy and I sigh softly and fall asleep, content.

_**Well, are you depressed yet, you should be! I like a happy ending but the end is definitely NOT nigh yet! I have more ideas up my sleeve - infact both my sleeves!**_

_**Now what you need to do is go and review - thank you to all you lovely readers who have reviewed so far and added me to their favourites - I am honoured! I have 5 stories on the go and this one has had more reviews than any of them so I am so delighted!**_

_**Thanks again and REVIEW…….**_


	8. Chapter 8

_**Hey people, Chapter 8 is here! I hope you all like it! Thanks to my Beta MissJayJay - she DID help me despite what she says! Thank you!**_

_**As usual, got to get the basics out first, I own nothing and I am still holding these characters hostage but for some reason no ransom is forthcoming……what will I do with them in the end! Miss Meyer owns it all!**_

_**I did struggle a bit with this chapter although I don't think it was the hardest one - don't worry readers there more in my head to come! I might even do a little chapter about Charlie but it will only be a snippet so don't get too excited! **_

_**So, the story goes on….read and review please?**_

_**Chapter 8 - Edward POV again!**_

I held my Bella close to me, I never wanted to let her go, I wanted to protect her now and forever. During the entire journey to Forks I concentrated on my love's heart, listening to the steady, strong beat of it in her chest, it was soothing and it gave me hope, it made me feel one step closer to having her back whole and well again.

We had arrived back in Forks in record time. Carlisle had parked the car at the front of the house to make it easier to get Bella indoors. It was wet and cold as usual in Forks and I did not want Bella to become ill with a cold, that was all she would need, so I slid out from the back seat at vampire pace, still holding her secure in my arms and once inside the house I very gently laid her down on the settee and secured the blanket around her fragile, sleeping, frame.

Immediately, Esme was beside her fussing over her and being her motherly self as usual. Alice too also hovering over her and I had to ask them both, very politely I might add, to give Bella some space. I didn't really blame them, they loved her too, my entire family had fallen in love with Bella.

"Oh Edward" said Esme, "She looks so ill, the poor child, we really do need to take care of her" she murmurs every so softly so as not to wake my sleeping beauty.

"Yes Esme we do, and I will do my utmost to make sure that she is well cared for and I shall never leave her side again, unless she orders me away" I vow.

Esme looked at me sharply then, obviously realising my torment and how guilty I had felt when I discovered the state that Bella was in.

"What she needs now is rest and some basic nutrition. Carlisle will take care of all her medical needs, and between us Esme, you and I will help her gain her strength back. I don't know what kind of rubbish they were trying to tube feed her with in that horrid hospital but whatever it was, it wasn't fitting for a dog!" I cannot believe she was in such a place, under the care of those so called medics.

With that Esme gasped in shock and said "Oh my goodness Edward, they were _tube_ feeding her, well that is just awful, the poor girl!" as she knelt down beside Bella and touched her forehead lightly then secured the blanket around her even more.

I turned to Jasper and said "Jazz, could I ask you to spend some time with Bella, I know she can't communicate with you just now but I am hoping that perhaps if you spend some time and talk to her and with your talent…"

Jasper nodded in agreement, he seemed pleased that he was going to be involved in aiding Bella's recovery.

"What about me, Edward, what can I do to help?" asked Alice.

"Alice, you do what you do best, hair, makeup, clothes!" I said grinning at her. "Okay, that sounds good to me, I promise I won't overdo it!" she said smiling.

"I know you wont, you know I trust you Alice, but please go easy will you?" I almost pleaded.

Alice looked at me then as if I had sprouted two heads, I heard her thoughts "_Jeeze, you would think I was going to take her and do a Barbie dress-up session on her or something, is he overprotective or what!"_ I shook my head then but at least I had gotten my point over to her, there would be time later when she can have her girlie way and they can enjoy it together, but for now it does not matter what Bella wears, her recovery is priority.

I looked over at Rosalie and Emmett and said, "Is there anything that you two can think of to help Bella with?" Rosalie looked at me and pursed her lips then said, "Well, I could have a look at her truck, do a bit of tuning on it, give it a service and sort out any other things needing done it it, if that's any help?"

I was quite surprised that it was Rosalie who spoke first, I had not expected her to be so kind, "Yes Rose, that would be very nice, thank you for that" trying not to sound too surprised.

Emmett was next to speak, "There isn't much that I can do for her bro but tell you what, why don't I fit that new music system into her truck that we got her for her birthday? I could help Rosie here out with some of the work on the truck too, if she will let me" he said winking at his beloved. She looked up at him adoringly and smiled saying "Yes Em, that would be good"

I nodded my agreement to Emmett. I was quite happy that all of my family would now be helping in some way to Bella's recovery. Now the biggest part was down to me and I was so determined to get it right.

I carefully lifted Bella from the settee, she was still sound asleep and I did not want to wake her. I took her upstairs and laid her gently on the bed in my bedroom. Alice had arranged for a new bed to be delivered earlier that morning. There was no way that I was allowing Bella to stay in any other room in the house other than mine. That is where she belonged.

Esme and Alice had followed me upstairs and as soon as I had laid Bella on the bed they turned and shooed me out of the room. Esme said "Right Edward, we are going to get Bella into a fresh pair of pyjama's so you have to wait outside until we get her settled" I was not going to argue with either of them and anyway it was the least I could do to preserve my Bella's dignity.

I waited outside the bedroom door, not wanting to leave her for any length of time. During this time I stood and thought about some of the mistakes I had made with Bella and how I was going to correct them all and make everything right and better.

The night of her birthday party was the one of the worst experiences of my life. For a while I was so angry at Jasper and then I turned my anger towards Alice. I knew that I should have been blaming myself but I was so blind to everything that I refused to take the blame. I decided that the best course of action was to remove my family and myself from Bella's life. I wanted to make sure that we could not harm her in any way and I stupidly thought that the best thing for her was to have a normal human life, meet someone, fall in love, get married, have children and grow old with lots of happy memories. What I did not realise was how much she loved me, and how devastated she would be when neither my family or myself were around.

For all the knowledge I have gained over the last ninety years, you would have thought I have countered any flaws but no, it seems I am just as inexperienced with women than any other male of my human age, it was sheer idiocy and totally obtuse of me to have overlooked the obvious and then I was blinded by what I thought Bella _should_ have rather than what Bella wanted. I really have learned nothing at all and no matter how old you are, or how long you have been around, it seems you are always going to make mistakes. I have to make things right now and I will make up for my poor judgement that caused all this.

My anger at Jasper was ridiculous, but I do not blame him at all now, once I realised it was my fault, and my fault alone my anger towards him evaporated. I accused him of not trying hard enough when Bella was around and I had simply not given him credit for anything. I was too eager to blame him for not adapting to our "vegetarian" way of life sooner but of course that was wholly unfair and he knows not to torment himself now even more than he used to.

I then turned my anger towards Alice. Alice of all people, how cruel was I? Alice who would have done anything for Bella or indeed myself. I apportioned blame on Alice by accusing her of not having a vision of Jaspers near attack. I told her that if she had seen it and told me then none of this would ever have happened. Luckily my little sister does not hold grudges because I feel so ashamed of myself.

I left my love, I left my family, I tore them apart and broke their hearts. I had caused so much pain in those I loved and I found it hard to let them all forgive me. Well, I was going to do everything in my power to let them all know how sorry I was and I would make it up to each and every one of them, especially Bella, my love.

I was still deep in thought when Carlisle came upstairs heading towards his study. He looked at me with sympathy and a worried look in his eyes. I followed him into his study as I had heard the question in his head "_Do you want to talk Edward?". _I was pleased to have the opportunity to talk to him.

Carlisle sat down behind his huge mahogany desk which was centuries old. It was obviously worth quite a lot of money, as did a lot of the items in the house. Many of them were original pieces and were treasured very much by Esme. I sat in the armchair on the other side of the big desk and waited for Carlisle to speak, as I knew he would.

"I know this is hard for you Edward, so I need to ask you, how are you coping?".

"Quite well, I think Carlisle. Bella is here now and I know we will be able to help her. I just cannot believe that I let this happen and that I caused her so much pain" I reply.

"Edward, you must stop blaming yourself, you did what you thought was the right thing to do as no one could have predicted what would happen to Bella when we left - we all thought she would be fine. We all make mistakes and what makes us better people is accepting that and moving on. Bella would not want you to torture yourself like this, I know she would not want that and so do you".

I think about what Carlisle has said for a moment and tell him that I agree with him. "Yes, Carlisle that is true but I still cannot help thinking that if I had stayed with Bella in the first place we would not be here at this point right now"

Carlisle nods in agreement "Yes you are right about that but that does not change anything, you cannot turn the clock back and we have no other option now than to deal with things the way they are. Our main concern right now is to get Bella well again, so lets just concentrate on that part okay?"

"Yes of course Carlisle. If you would excuse me, I think that the girls are finished settling Bella, I would like to go sit with her for a while?"

"Oh yes Edward, certainly. I am going to be making some calls just now, one of them to Charlie to update him on Bella. He will want to come over to see his daughter as soon as she has settled in. Once I have done all of that I will come in to check Bella's observations and sort out her medication. I am not going to allow the tube feeding to continue and I know you will agree with me on that" I nod in response. Carlisle continues, "So, perhaps between yourself and Esme you could try and coax her into taking some small amounts of soup to start with, that is if she is up to it and responsive of course?"

"Yes," I say in agreement, "definitely, that would be a good start, I will speak to Esme later and we will arrange it, no doubt Esme will have already started cooking in preparation".

"Well then Edward, may I suggest you return to Bella and I will get on with what I have here to do?" said Carlisle.

"Of course Carlisle and thank you" said Edward turning to leave the room.

Just as I reach the door, Carlisle speaks again "Edward, there really is no need for thanks, Bella is one of us and it is our duty to protect our own". I smile my gratitude to my father as I do not feel that I can speak at that moment. It is not often that vampires become so emotional but then it is not every day that something like this happens.

It is not every day that the love of your existence is depending on you to nurse her back to health and to have such a loving and supporting family close by that are all willing not only to help but to welcome your love into their home. It is not every day that those same family members will give up something just to be there for us both, just so we can be together. It leaves me speechless and if it were possible, breathless too. It leaves me without knowing how to convey my true feelings of gratitude, love and everlasting joy towards them. It shows that no matter what kind of being you are, true love will always conker all.

I arrive back at Bella's door, well it is really my room but Bella's for the time being, and knock gently. Alice opens the door and whispers to me "She is still asleep but I think she will waken up soon, she was moaning a little in her sleep"

"Oh, what was she saying Alice?" I wonder. Alice looks at me shrewdly and says "Edward, as if you need to ask, you can read my mind so you already know, you just want to hear me say it don't you?" I laugh and agree with her, of course I want her to say it aloud, I like hearing what Bella says in her dreams, it has been so long since I heard her voice at all.

"Okay then, she said "_Edward, I love you" _- are you happy now?"

"Delighted, little sister, absolutely delighted" I said grinning at her. Well at least I know now that she still loves me, what I need to do when she wakes up is convince her that I still love her, even more than ever! I just hope that she believes me.

After Alice leaves to go downstairs I walk over to the bed and look at my Bella sleeping soundly. This must be the first restful sleep she has had since we left town. The shadows beneath her eyes are not as dark as they were when I first saw her. She seems much more content, even in sleep. I gently lean over her and kiss her forehead and then I cannot resist but sit on the side of the bed beside her. She immediately moves into my side as she always did before, I am amazed that her body is still attuned to mines' I take the chance to embrace her once again whilst she sleeps. My negativity creeps in again and I think "I will take the chance now as she may not allow me near her when she does waken". I truly wish that I could stop this but I cannot help myself, not until I hear it from Bella's own lips that I will be content in her love and believe that all will be well again.

Bella's head moves inadvertently onto my chest and her right arm curves around my waist, I immediately put my arm under her shoulders to keep her close and place gentle kisses on her forehead, eyes, cheeks and nose. She sleeps soundly and all I can hear is her steady heartbeat, as strong as ever.

I relax in the knowledge that my love will recover from this trauma I have caused and recall a quote form a poem I once read "_Love is supposed to last throughout all time, or is it like trains changing at random stops? If I loved her, how could I have left her, if I felt that way then, imagine, only imagine, how I feel now" _

_**Taken from a quote by Jeff Melvoin**_

_**Well, thanks for getting this far in my story - the little quote at the end is something I found on a website and is taken from a poem written by a guy called Jeff Melvin. I have changed it a little bit but not much really, hope you like it!**_

_**Now, all you need to do now is review it for me and I will love you all forever! Oh, I have been reading a brilliant story over the last few weeks called Object of the Mind on fan fiction - it is amazing - if any of you have the time, go read it (its at 40 chapters right now!) It is utterly amazing!**_

_**Well, as I said REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! xxxxxxxxxx**_


	9. Chapter 9

_**Helloooo, back again with yet another chapter, not a usual one either and probably not the one that you wee all expecting, ie you were all waiting for Bella to wake up - hee hee hee hee - well it's not, its one about Charlie! Its not a Charlie POV - it's a bit of Charlie's reflections on everything that has happened since Bella arrived in Forks, well everything that Charlie knows about! **_

_**I'm sorry if its not the one you were all expecting (no I'm not - ha ha), mmmm, maybe the next one will be the one where Bella wakes up but then again maybe it won't be - you will just have to keep reading until it gets here!**_

_**Well, I hope you all enjoy this chapter, it's a chapter with a difference and I quite enjoyed writing it too!**_

_**Thanks to my lovely busy Beta Jennifer AKA MissJayJay who is busy writing her own stories - I'm her beta too! **_

_**More thanks to Miss Meyer for giving us the characters and the story to expand on and I would just like to say that I am still holding them all ransom! **_

_**Enjoy and remember the all important word REVIEW!**_

Chapter 9 - Charlie

I had been busy at work all day and as usual I got very little spare time to sit down and think, so it was a surprise to me that the station had gone quiet and for a change the phones were not ringing off the walls. All the deputy's, all three of them, were out just now on calls so I was "holding the fort" so to speak. I took the time to think about my daughter, Bella. I got myself a strong black coffee from the coffee machine, which tasted more like tar than actual coffee, and sat back in my chair to think of all the events of the last year since my little girl Bella had arrived in Forks.

Bella has been through so much lately, I know she found it hard coming here in the first place. Moving to a new town, starting a new school, making new friends and then stuck with a lonely old bachelor for a father, like me. I really didn't appreciate what she had given up to move here. She left all her old friends that she grew up with too and as far as I know she hasn't kept in contact with any of them. The last time she was here I think it was Summer Vacation. She used to come every year and spend a couple of weeks. I remember the last Christmas she was here, she was only four years old and Waylon played Santa for her. We met Waylon one day in the diner and he reminded her of that, she was so embarrassed that day! During the summer vacations that she spent here she played with Billy Blacks boy, Jacob. She was friendly with him for a time but I don't know if they have spoken again since she got back. I don't know if her mother realised that either but they say you don't ever really appreciate what you have until you lose it. How true that is!

It must have been hard coming to a dreary, wet and cold place such as Forks. I know I would have hated to leave a warm cheery place such as Arizona. I feel really bad for her and now I need to try and make it all up to her.

She has been great since coming to live with me, cooking meals for me every other night, going to the diner with me on Friday night as I have done for years. She is very patient with her old dad and she deserves so much more, she makes me feel quite selfish. I thought that she would hate being back here, it's so different from what she is used to, and I mean what young girl "chooses" to come live in a backwater town like Forks when she could be in a warm sunny place like Phoenix, Arizona!

Just as I am musing through my thoughts the phone on my desk rings, I answer swiftly and put on my official police voice, "Charlie Swan, Chief of Police at your service"

"Good afternoon Charlie, it is Carlisle Cullen here, how are you?"

"Oh hello there Carlisle, I'm fine, I take it your calling about Bella?"

"Yes Charlie, I am. I have discussed Bella's health and recovery at great length with the doctors and we have decided that it would be in her best interests to bring her back to Forks. I would like to have her stay with us during her recovery, if that is acceptable to you?" says Carlisle.

"Of course Carlisle, whatever is the best for Bella and if being at your home is what is best then I will go with that. I take it you will be able to take care of her medication and such like quite easily while she is there?" I ask

"That would be correct Charlie and my family will obviously be there to help aid her recovery, especially Edward. He is quite….focused on helping her and making more than an effort to make sure that she is comfortable" replied Carlisle.

"That's a point I would like to discuss with you Carlisle, I really appreciate what you are doing for Bella and I have every faith in your abilities as a doctor and also your family to help her. What does concern me now Carlisle is that you all left before and Bella ended up…….."

Before I can continue Carlisle interrupts me saying "Charlie, I understand your concern and I was going to give you my assurances that we will be here for Bella, none of us are going anywhere, we are here to stay so please do not worry about that. Edward has been really distraught over this and is determined to make amends with Bella and will do anything to help her now. He is very sorry for all the hurt he has caused her, infact he is finding it hard to cope with her being so ill"

"That is some consolation then, at least she'll have people she knows and cares for around her. I'll come over as often as I can too but I understand that it would be best to wait now until she is settled" I said.

Carlisle expressed his agreement then he went on to explain how things were going to work, "Edward as you know will be there for Bella around the clock, Esme will be using her culinary skills in cooking for Bella, light snacks at first to get her re-acquainted with eating again and Alice will of course look after all of her personal care and suchlike. We are all going to be involved to some extent and even Rose and Emmett are eager to help so they have opted to help fix Bella's truck up a bit for her and install a new music system. Jasper, well he has some experience in counselling and he is going to spend some time with her just simply talking to her and getting her to communicate with people again. Hopefully between us we will get the old Bella back and that combined with regular visits from yourself Charlie will do doubt make her recovery faster".

I have been listening to all that Carlisle has told me and I am really pleased that they all seem quite devoted to Bella. I don't feel as stressed or worried now, well I am still worried, but in a different way.

"All of that sounds really good Carlisle, I can't thank you and your family enough for helping Bella, you have been so kind, and how can I ever repay you for this?" I say

"Charlie, Bella is like one of our family and we look after those we love and there is no need for thanks or repayment of any kind, we do this not only because we love her and you also, but we owe this to Bella, it is the least we can do"

I find myself nodding at the other end of the phone and then realise that Carlisle can't see me, so I quickly say "Okay Carlisle but if there is anything that I can ever do for you or your family please let me know?"

"I will Charlie, I will, now I must go as I am meeting Edward at the hospital to prepare Bella for her journey back to Forks. Thank you for your time Charlie and I will be in touch shortly" said Carlisle.

"Yeah Carlisle, thank you too and give my girl my love for me?"

I ask

"Of course, I will goodbye Charlie!" says Carlisle

"Bye" I reply and hang up the phone.

I sit back in my chair and go to take a drink of my coffee, as soon as the liquid touches my lips I realise that it is cold and virtually spit the stuff all over my desk. I empty the contents into a nearby sink and go get myself a fresh brew. I sit back down and relax and think to myself well at least she's in better hands now and I know she will be looked after properly. Doesn't make it right however, I should be able to look after her myself, but I can't even cook myself a meal so what on earth am I talking about!

I've felt real guilty for not visiting her regular since she went into that place in Washington DC, I felt like I wasn't making any great effort to visit her at all but I really couldn't cope with her being in there and seeing her in that state. It wasn't right that she was there but when else could I do? She wasn't eating, sleeping or communicating, she was virtually a zombie. I felt as though I had let her down, and badly!

It would have been so easy to blame the Cullen boy for all that has happened to Bella but where is the point in that? I mean, what would it solve, the damage is done and I would rather he tried to rectify the situation now because anything else would only make it worse. I just hope that he could help her. I just hoped that we could all help her now.

I was so pleased that Carlisle Cullen had phoned me earlier to ask if it would be okay for him to take over her care. It didn't take a brain surgeon to work out that the doctors in that place weren't doing anything for her. They seemed just to pump her full of drugs and then tube feed her. I winced at the thought of my Bella being fed through a tube, I know she hated it and despite being in the fragile state she was in, she let it be known that she did not want the tube feed. She would pull it out as soon as it was put in, so in the end she had to be supervised, sometimes they even sedated her and I really hated that. Anyone would think she was on death watch or something the way they treated her but that just seems to be normal protocol in those types of place, they seem to treat everyone like that. They have standard procedures for patients that are like Bella, they have been carrying out and using the same methods for years, but can't they see it doesn't work? The only problem I had was that it felt like she was in a prison cell more than a hospital room; she was treated more like an inmate than a patient, all that was missing was a padded room and body restraints. I was really upset about that but again what else was there for me to do, I couldn't help her and I thought she was in the best place, even though I knew in my heart that she wouldn't get better. I could no longer see my daughter when I looked at her, her smile had faded as was her purpose in life. It was simply heartbreaking to watch and see daily. She was a shell, a broken bird.

Even the clothes they put her in were awful, I tried bringing her own clothes in for her but they said they preferred "them" all to be wearing their stupid regimental cotton pyjama type outfits. So, the clothes were taken home again. You would have thought that letting her wear her own clothes would be more beneficial to her, help her get better and make her feel more alive. Then again, what did I know, obviously nothing, I'm only her father!

I began to think about his relationship with the Cullen family and how things have gotten to this stage. Believe me, if I could have gotten hold of any of the Cullens to try and persuade Carlisle at least to come back and see Bella then I would have done so but they seemed to disappear off the face of the earth. Maybe if his sister Alice were around even then I could get them to let her wear her own clothing but there again something so simple can end up being so difficult.

Come to think of it, where did they go and how did they find out about Bella? Maybe Edward developed a conscience and thought he would check up on her to see how she was doing, but somehow I doubt that!

It's just a shame that they didn't see her the night that Sam found her unconscious in the woods. She was suffering from hypothermia and was totally delirious, calling for Edward all the time and asking him to come back to her. It was heartbreaking to watch. Then she went through a hysterical time and was constantly screaming and didn't sleep a wink for weeks, then she turned into this zombie and it felt like I had lost her, it still feels like that now but there is a bit of hope now.

When I got the call from Carlisle I told him that I would be glad to give him permission to take her to their house so that they could look after her. I know she is eighteen now and she is technically an adult but the thing is, she is not capable of making her own decisions right now so with the best will in the world, someone needs to take control and in my mind the best person right now for her is Dr Carlisle Cullen.

I am a bit more relieved that she is getting out of that place and is going to be in a real comfortable house with people who I know love her and will look after her. The Cullens are not bad people, each one of them will have something to contribute towards her recovery. I contacted Renee to let he know what was happening and she too is happy that things are looking more positive for Bella. She cant come back to Forks right now as her new husband Phil is travelling a lot with his work and she has to go with him so I will keep her updated as much as I can.

Carlisle said that as soon as Bella is settled I will be able to go see her. I am desperate to see her but I also know that I shouldn't go in there will all guns blazing, eager to speak to her. I need to play it cool and wait until she is ready for my visit as I don't want to do too much too soon. Carlisle said she needed time and time is what my girl is gonna get.

Her mother wanted to take her back to Arizona when she realised how ill she was but I told Renee that Bella would not be happy with that and neither would I. She seems to have made some good friends here and has settled quite well at school, but then Bella always was a bright girl.

I had thought that dating this Cullen boy would be a good thing for her but obviously when he decided to move away from Forks, along with his parents, she took it really bad. I hadn't realised how much she cared for him. Whilst I am pleased they have returned and things are starting to look brighter for Bella I was worried incase they left again because it would only have hurt her more. I'm glad that Carlisle cleared that up for me. One less thing to worry about.

I remember one time she went on a date with Edward, to play baseball! Baseball! I mean my Bella playing Baseball, I laughed at the thought of that one but it seems that it was a regular "family" thing they did so who was I to say otherwise! I remember that was the night that Edward wanted to introduce himself to me "formally", you would have thought that he was from the 19th century the way he did that, well at least the boy had manners that's all I can say! I think I gave Bella a fright that night, I was in the middle of cleaning my gun and I remember the way she looked at me and her eyes spoke volume as though to say "Dad behave please, and leave the gun alone!" I laugh at the memory, as if I would have used it! The sad thing was that it was the same night that they had a fight and nearly broke up!

As far as I know they had only had one real serious argument. It was that time that she took what I called a "hissy" fit and packed her bags and decided to go back to her mums' house in Phoenix.

Yeah, she did upset me that night but I'm thick skinned and I always forgave her for what she said to me, I know she didn't really mean it. She said that she didn't want to be stuck in a hole in the wall place like Forks for the rest of her life and had to get away. The funny thing was that's what her mother had said to me when she took Bella away from me and left me. Bella wouldn't have known that though because she would never had said it if she had known. She hold told Edward that she didn't want to see him anymore, but I knew she didn't mean it but I couldn't interfere, so when she ran away, Edward had chased after her with his dad in tow.

She had agreed to meet with him to talk things over at a nearby hotel and it was then she had that accident and landed in hospital with a broken leg. The silly girl not only fell down a full flight of stairs but managed to get herself thrown through a window at the same time. Only my Bella could be so clumsy, ever since she was a toddler she was always getting into scrapes and hurting herself. It was clear that she would never grow out of that for sure!

Her mother even made her go to ballet lessons! Now I did laugh when I heard about that one, I mean, Bella and ballet! Just as the saying goes "a bull in a china shop", it didn't last too long anyway, Bella was and still is too strong willed to do something that she wasn't interested in.

She had returned home that time with the Cullens after spending weeks in hospital, she was real mad at Edward because he arranged to take her to the Prom! Ha, Bella dancing, that was a good one, she was so mad at him and I loved every little moment of watching her seethe! He did explain to her that it was an important "right of passage" so she should go but knowing Bella she couldn't have cared less. She did go however, and I think it was more to keep the peace with Edward than anything. She did look lovely in her blue dressed courtesy of Edwards's sister, Alice!

That same night Tyler came to the house armed with a corsage saying her was there to pick Bella up and take her to the prom. I couldn't believe it; as if I was gonna let him take her after what he did with the truck! Anyway, I phoned Edward and told him and he spoke to Tyler and put him in his place. The look on Tylers' face that nice was a picture! Stupid boy anyway!

Yeah, she had some good times since she got here.

The incident with Tyler and the truck, now there was another scary moment when she first arrived. She hadn't been at the school for long at all. I had taken her truck and got new tyres on it along with some chains because of the snow and ice. I had bought the truck from Billy Black, his son Jacob who thought himself a bit of a mechanic, had done some work on it and got it running. It wasn't expensive or anything but I thought she would need something to get her to school and back. The look on her face that day when I gave her was one I will treasure for a long time. Well, that morning I remember I didn't want her having an accident so you can imagine how angry I was with the famous Tyler when she ended up in the ER that day. It seems that he was driving to school in the morning and had lost control of his truck; he skidded all over the school parking lot but managed to aim directly at Bella. Of course he would have to aim at Bella, who else has that kind of luck! Just by another stroke of luck Edward was nearby and got her out of the way. Quick thinking from Edward for saving Bella. I'm sure I thanked him, or did I?

Anyway, when I got to the hospital I told Tyler that I would be having a serious word with him later, just as soon as I made sure that my daughter was okay. Carlisle Cullen looked after Bella then as well and made sure she was okay after her ordeal, how lucky was Bella falling for a guy whose father is a top rated doctor, he really has helped Bella out when she ends up worse for wear. Edward was also at the hospital that day and got checked over but he was none the worse so I suppose all that ends well and all that!

My daughter is the most important thing in my life now and I am going to make sure no-one can hurt her ever again. That is depending on if she ever recovers.

I did not realise how long I had been sitting there, I looked up and seen the deputy's return from their calls, one of them comes to my desk and says "You workin late tonight Chief?"

I reply "No, I'm just heading home now, Tom, is there anything I can do for you?"

"No Chief just wanted to wish you and your daughter well, hope she gets better soon".

I smile at Tom and say "Thanks Tom, much appreciated."

Tom goes to his desk and prepares to return home for the night to his wife and family. I sit and think some more and then realise that I need to phone Renee to update her on what is happening with Bella.

I pick up the phone and dial the number, the phone rings and then I hear a voice "Hello, Dwyer Residence?"

"Hello Renee, its Charlie, I'm just phoning to update you about Bella".

"Oh Charlie, how is she?"

"Well, its like this Renee, she is…………" and I continue to explain to Renee that the Cullens have returned and how they are going to help Bella recover and she will be staying with them until she is well again………..

_A father is always making his baby into a little woman, and when she is a woman, he turns her back again__**.**_

_**The above quote is written by Enid Bagnold and taken funnily enough from a website called "Bella Online, The Voice of Women"**_

_**Well, I truly hoped you all enjoyed this chapter and sorry for annoying you all by not putting the "expected" chapter up!**_

_**I would like to thank all my readers for not only reading but leaving reviews and adding them to their favourites etc, I am really honoured!**_

_**So thanks again and please feel free to do it all again:-**_

_**read and review - read and review - read and review!**_

_Thank you _


	10. Chapter 10

_**Hello all! Yep, I'm now into double figures with my story! This is the very first time I have ever got this far with a story!**_

_**Another chapter on reflecting musings but this time from Edward! **_

_**Patience readers - Bella will be waking up if not by the end of this chapter but very soon - will she remember anything? Will she be okay, will she just go on as though nothing has happened, will she forgive Edward for deserting her, will she want him back? You are going to need to read on and find out all the answers!**_

_**Well, as per usual I own nothing, S Meyer has it all although my characters are still held captive!**_

_**Thanks to Jennifer who is my Beta - MissJayJay - a lovely girl! I should also mention that this is a cross-over chapter and story between the books and the films so "nothing is as it seems!, or is it?"**_

_**So, please feel free to go ahead and read and enjoy also, if you read please please remembe to review! Oh, and thanks to all you great reviewers out there, it's all really kind of you, thanks!**_

_**Enjoy…………………review review review review review …..**_

CHAPTER 10

Bella lay in my arms sound asleep while I sang her lullaby. She looked so peaceful in slumber, so content. You would never really know that she was so ill unless you looked closely at the shadows dulling beneath her eyes.

I knew that if she was awake that there would be no hiding how ill she really was. Her eyes held no emotion whilst awake, they were virtually dead. I almost let out a brittle laugh at that thought, "Bella's eyes dead" somehow it seemed quite apt at that moment. Her eyes were almost like mine, what I would not give to have her forever, to be like me, to have her with me for eternity.

I stopped myself short at that point, where on earth did that come from, I thought to myself! I would never let such a thing happen to her, she was a human, made of flesh and blood, she had a heart which beat, and blood that flowed through her veins. No I would not take that away from her, never. As I said she was human and I would do everything in my power to ensure that she would remain that way.

To save myself the turmoil over the thought of such a tragedy occurring, I quickly moved my thoughts onto something else. I could have stayed there all night just staring at her beautiful face in slumber. I could never tire from just simply looking at her. She never did see herself clearly, as I did. She always did think herself as a simple, plain, and insignificant human alongside me which was ridiculous really. Yes, she was human but she certainly was not simple, plain or insignificant infact she was the complete opposite. She always said that she was "nothing but human" which was right but I was so grateful that she was alive.

My mind began to wander, vampires were always easily distracted and my thoughts moved to the time we first met…….

I had heard that there was going to be a new pupil starting at Forks High and I honestly was not interested at all. I had heard all the excited voices of the pupils. The guys all wondered if she was going to be a "looker" and the girls all wanted to know if they could be her "best friend". I remember thinking that some humans were really shallow and I will no doubt always think so, even after meeting some of them and getting to know them a bit more.

I recall that first day really clearly. I had walked in and Bella was sitting at a table with Jessica Stanley, a girl who I really did not like listening to in the slightest. A lot of drivel passed through that girls head. Not a nice girl at all. Alongside her was Angela who turned out to be a really good friend to Bella. She was quiet and reserved and mainly kept a lot of her thoughts to herself. Then there was Tyler, yes Tyler with the van but I really don't want to think too much of that incident. That was just too close for comfort that one. That was the first time that Bella nearly died. I shuddered at the thought.

I had never met anyone in my entire 109 years on this earth that was more accident prone or clumsy than Bella, and that took some doing! If an accident was going to happen then you could be assured that Bella was at the centre of it all!

Next was Mike, oh how much I wanted to strangle that guy at times. He really thought he had a chance with Bella. He really did not see that Bella was not interested in him in the slightest but I suppose a guy can always dream! What bothered me I the end was the lurid thoughts that passed through his murky little mind, oh what I wouldn't give…….

There were another couple of friends, one of them was Ben. A nice quiet guy who was always really interested in Angela but too shy to do anything about it. I smiled at the thought of that time. Emmett and I decided to play act in class one day, well it was my idea really, but Emmett went along with it. We pretended that I was interested in Angela as a possible girlfriend and talked about it quite openly in class and much louder than was needed. Ben was supposed to overhear what we were saying and act on it, which he did, and before long he had asked Angela out and started dating. They made a nice couple too and Bella was really pleased about it.

Then there was Lauren. I didn't really have anything much to do with her, all I knew was that she was evil to Bella and because of that they never really spent any time together. Bella always did have a good sense of someone's character and she was right when it came to Lauren.

Now Jessica Stanley, what a girl she was! Jessica thought she was better than anyone at all; she thought she was so much more beautiful, more popular and thought that she wore better clothes than all the rest of the girls. A very vain girl indeed. I did not like the way she treated Bella at times but they never really got to be close enough to do her any harm. My worries were unfounded on that level.

That first day I heard Jessica telling Bella who the Cullens were just as I passed by their table. She was telling her who Alice, Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett were and how Carlisle and Esme had adopted us. I also heard her Jessica telling Bella that I was very fussy about whom I dated and that none of the girls in the school were good enough for me. I remember laughing at how ridiculous that really was, and if only she knew the truth!

Our first class together was Biology and that was when I found out the effect that Bella had one me. She had stood at Mr Banner's desk and just as our eyes met a blast of air blew her scent over me and I gasped involuntary. I wanted to throw myself across the room and kill her then and there. I shudder at the thought of what I could have done so easily that day. I could have killed my love. What kind of monster would that have made me, would I have been able to stop, and how many of the kids in the class would I have killed. It really does not bear thinking off at all.

I stayed away for nearly a week after that. Bella seemed to get the idea that I did it because I hated her but she was so wrong. I went to the Denali Clan and just sat and thought for hours and hours and then Tanya came to speak to me. Tanya always wanted me for herself, she told me so and I had to let her down gently. I eventually returned and then Alice hit me with the "Edward you love Bella" story and I could not believe it, after all these years I go and fall in love with a human! I was stunned to say the least, Alice had to actually point out the obvious, and I did not even know my own feelings. I was so determined that it would not happen and I was counting on Alice's visions to be subjective. So I set out to change the outcome which was probably, on hindsight a stupid thing to do because there was nothing I could have changed it to!

I kept trying to avoid her, but then I kept bumping into her too! I was fighting a losing battle and in the end I decided to give in and try at least to be friends with her. She was having none of it, how stubborn she was then and still is.

I sat beside her that day in Biology when I got back and decided that I should introduce myself to her. What she did surprised me however because she accused me of leaving because of her. I could not believe it, she had hit the nail on the head but I was not about to tell her that. Instead I decided to ask her brought her to Forks. She had looked so shocked and surprised that I was willing to make "small talk" with her but she went on to answer my questions. I had a lot of questions and she answered them all without any quibble whatsoever.

I was really surprised that she mentioned the colour change in my eyes, I had not realised that she had noticed anything before. She asked me if I wore contacts because the last time she had seen my eyes they were black and now they were a golden amber colour. I said the most stupid thing possible "the lighting in the school did funny things to the colour of my eyes". No wonder she looked at me as though I was talking double Dutch! I was embarrassed and vampires don't get embarrassed so what did I do? I walked away - ooh big scary vampire I was! thank god Emmett was not around to watch my mumbled explanation of my changing eye colour; I would never hear the end of it!

In an effort to redeem myself I decided to speak to her at the biology field trip and blew it again. I asked her why she was not going to the Prom and what was she doing in Jacksonville that weekend. She just looked at me like I was crazy and wanted to know how I found out about that. I really could not come up with anything much at all. Once again I blew it. I thought then that I was absolutely useless at relationships, which would not be that surprising seeing that I never had one before even though I was 109 years old!

Then there was a time when she had gone to Biology class which just happened to be the day that they were doing "Blood Typing". Funnily enough I had already got permission that day to "skip" class. It was not a good idea for a vampire to take part in blood typing, for obvious reasons! I decided that I would sit in my car and listen to some CD's. I would have gone home but I wanted to sit and keep an eye on Bella, why I could not figure out, but I wanted to do it anyway. I had been sitting listening to Debussy which was one of my favourites when I had seen Bella being half carried out of the school and falling onto the sidewalk virtually unconscious. I must admit I reached her fast, but not fast enough, I was in a public place and could not use my usual vampire speed so had to "jog at human pace". When I reached her Mike was trying to lift her up. I looked at him that time with scorn and immediately took charge. I was very worried about her until I discovered that she had virtually fainted due to the fact that she has a phobia about blood! That one got me, I must have picked the one girl in the universe who fainted with the smell of blood, yeah, I fell in love with a girl who had a phobia about the one thing that kept me "alive"!

Jessica and Angela had been talking about going to Port Angeles to look at prom dresses and Bella arranged to go along with them, more just for the trip itself. I felt quite protective over her even then although I had only spoken to her a few times. I didn't like the idea that she was going to Port Angeles but I really didn't want her to know that so I followed her! God, what a stalker I was!

I had followed her through both Jessica and Angela's mind that night and when they went in to try on dresses I thought that I had better stop and give them some privacy. Only when I went back to check their minds Bella had faded out of the picture and I panicked, I could see in Angela's mind where she was heading so I followed but her scent only lingered around the bookstore and I could tell she never actually went in. By this time I was imagining all sorts of things and I was frustrated because the sun was still up so I had to trail the streets in my car and wander into random humans' minds to see if they had seen Bella. That's when I saw them, herding Bella in a back alley. They had vile, putrid minds and had been looking at Bella like a chew toy, they wanted to use her then toss her out like trash. I was beyond angry, I was livid and I thank my mind reading ability that I managed to get to her and make her safe before I lost all of my control.

I remember the rage I felt when I discovered what was happening and I could have murdered each and every one of them at that precise moment. I scared the living daylights out of them and that was simply by looking at them.

What really got to me was that the leader was a known rapist and I knew he had all intentions of making Bella his next victim; it still makes me shudder when I think about it. I got her into the car safely and proceeded to screech at her like an idiot about putting her seatbelt on and asking her to talk senseless drivel to me until I calmed down. I never really thought too much at the time but I don't ever recall asking her if she was okay but I think she was! That's my selfishness coming out again or should I say a vampire's selfishness? Once I was calm and she was safe we ended up at the restaurant that she was to meet the girls at. They had already gone there and had dinner. Some friends I thought! Well, that was when I took the chance to spend time with her and she went with it too, quite easily. I was more than delighted!

We talked for quite a while that night, asking and answering questions and getting to know one another and although I was already in love, hook, line and sinker, I fell all over again.

I remember too that it was the same night that she discovered that I was a mind reader but for some strange reason that I could not understand I could not read hers. She was relieved at that but then in typical Bella style she asked me "is there something wrong with me then?". I did laugh as I recall because only Bella could have thought that there was something wrong with _her _because I could not read her mind!

That was the same night that Waylon was killed. The authorities thought it was animal attack but my family and I new better.

We began to spend quite a bit of time together, talking and just getting to know one another even more. I was determined to learn every little thing about her and I think I succeeded in that. It was the next day that she really found out what and who I was and whilst I thought she would run in terror, I was utterly delighted that she did not.

To learn that your boyfriend is a 109 year old vampire is not an easy thing to accept never mind understand but Bella took it in her stride. What an amazing girl she is!

I showed her what I looked like in the sun with the intention of making her understand that I was a monster and dangerous and her response threw me! She thought I was beautiful and loved it, she did not care what I was, she only cared that she loved me. I could not believe she was so accepting, it made me wary but I did not walk away, I stayed with her against my better judgment. I tried to explain how her blood affected me and I wanted to drink it, to kill her and she responded by saying that she knew I would not hurt her, ever! She knew me more than I knew myself! I tried to explain it to her but all I could come up with was saying that "she was like my own personal brand of heroin".

We lay on the ground in what we called "our meadow" and we declared our love for one another. I always loved what we said to one another! I said "and the lion fell in love with the lamb" to which she replied "What a sick masochistic lamb". Not the most romantic of sentiments but it explained our relationship to a tee!

I really loved the first morning that I took her to school in my car! The stares were amazing, I loved seeing the look on Mike's face and I just sailed by them all because I had the prize that they all wanted. I was delirious.

The first time I took her to meet my family was good too although Rosalie did her best to put a damper on it all. I had introduced her to the entire Cullen clan who she seemed to like despite Rosalie. Jasper even greeted her accordingly but being an old southern gent he would do no matter how old you are you never forget your roots.

All Rosalie managed to think of was what kind of harm Bella could inflict on our family should anyone find out about us, but that was Rose, always thinking of herself. She could never be happy for anyone other than herself.

Then I decided to take her to play baseball with my family which was fine until Victoria, James and Laurent showed up. I again shudder to think of that time. I had put Bella in so much danger that I could not begin to forgive myself.

The second I realised that James was a tracker and he got a whiff of Bella's scent I realised just how much danger I had placed her in. I will never forgive myself for that, for the suffering she had gone through then but then I will never forget the abject fear I felt the second I realised that she had got away from Alice and Jasper and made her way to the Ballet Studio to meet James. He had managed to convince her that he held her mother hostage so Bella went to meet him in an effort to save her beloved mother.

Bella was never good at lying, she was too pure to lie and she was not good at figuring out if anyone else, especially our kind was lying or not. She was too trusting for her own good.

We had been on our way back to Forks and when I arrived at the airport and Alice told me that Bella had gone I was beside myself. I tracked her scent as far as the taxi rank and then it simply disappeared. Thank goodness that Alice and Jasper had spoken to her earlier about the ballet studio. It had appeared in one of Alice's visions so we decided that she was enroute to there.

I really did not think I would have made it in time and all the way I was trying to think of ways to end my own life if I did not get there in time. I was thinking of going to the Volturi which are "our kind of royalty", they "govern" over the vampires in our world and their job is to ensure that we maintain our secret and not divulge our existence to humans. I had already made up my mind that I could no longer live in a world without my Bella and if I got to the Ballet Studio and James had killed her then I would not be able to exist without her. I had not realised the intensity of my feelings for her until that very moment.

She ended up in the hospital with a broken leg. She almost died and it took me all of my strength and willpower to save her. James had wounded her and to add insult to injury he bit her. I could not believe it. I had no other option available to me than to suck the venom out of her body, something that was not an easy thing to do at all. The taste of her blood was delectable and it truly did not compare with her scent whatsoever. Who would ever have thought that I, an evil monster, a vampire, could fall in love with someone as true and pure as Bella, a human? It defies all logic really.

In the end Carlisle tended to Bella and I held her in my arms throughout the journey to the hospital. She had been given so much morphine by then that the pain must have been ebbing and all she wanted to do then was sleep so I urged her to do so, not that it took much at all.

We had to lie to Charlie; well we couldn't exactly tell the truth, "Oh by the way Charlie, an evil vampire attacked your daughter and put her in hospital, why? Oh that was because my family and I are vampires too and Bella is human and they want to really annoy us and kill her because we have befriended her so to speak" Yes, Charlie would believe that and accept it even easier, I don't think so!

She was in the hospital for weeks on end but I stayed with her, I would not leave her even if I wanted to I couldn't. When she got home I got Alice to help her get ready for a big important event but I didn't tell Bella what it was. She was furious when she found out it was Prom. I was sure she thought I was going to turn her into a vampire that night and that's why she had got all dressed up. I told her that her prom was an important right of passage and I was not going to let her miss out on it.

We had some good times together and most of our time was spent out in the woods. Bella would climb onto my back and I would run with her for miles. I loved the warm feel of her against me, it was good just to know she was there and with me, and she was safe. Her safety was always my utmost concern and I hated being away from her for even a second.

We spent every single night together, not literally but if Charlie ever found out that I spent every one of my waking nights in Bella's bedroom then I think he would have tried his very best to shoot me!

Each night when she went to her bed I would climb in her window and simply lie beside her. I would wrap her in her duvet then keep her close to me with my arms around her. I hated the idea that she would feel the coldness of my stone body so the duvet was necessary to keep her warm. She would fall asleep every night to the sound of me humming her lullaby to her and if for some reason I was not there she had nightmares. I hated those times because it always happened when I was not around, granted it was very rare, but when I returned to her side I simply held her and offered her reassurance. I hated seeing Bella in any kind of pain and did my very best to prevent that from happening.

I remember the first time I took her running, I have always found it very exhilarating however I forgot that she might not be used to such speed so I was really concerned when she told me that she could not climb down from my back. When she did manage to climb down she was quite dizzy and feeling sick, I felt awful so once I helped her overcome this I told her next time close your eyes! The look on her face when I said that was funny because all she said was "Will there be a next time?" and gulped! She was so funny my Bella.

Mostly we would hang out in our meadow, the most peaceful and magic place on earth. A place where we could just be ourselves, not hiding from anyone and a place where we could be safe.

One of the most precious memories I had was the memory of our first kiss! If I lived to be 1000 years old I would never ever forget that moment and I doubted Bella would either. It was painful for me because of the scent of her blood, but it was so chase but passionate at the same time. I had to control my strength around her as I did not want to hurt her. I could not lose control of my emotions either which frightened me but for some reason she always tried to push the boundaries. So, when we did kiss it was always I who ended the kiss, no matter who started it.

Bella was my life now and I needed to make sure that she was always going to be looked after. I needed to be there for her always and if it was the last thing I ever did then that is what I would do. I loved her so much, words can simply not describe the intensity of my feelings for her, and I am so very protective of her and will never allow anyone or anything to harm her.

She is the love of my life and I have waited nearly 100 years to meet her and I am not about to let her go now.

I look down at her sleeping form and see her lips form into a soft gentle smile; she must be having a nice dream. I would like to think she was dreaming of me, no wait, I would prefer that she was dreaming of "us" but as I could never read her mind then that is something I will never know unless she tells me. She is quite secretive with her mind and is also quite protective of her thoughts. She always says that she would get embarrassed if I could read her mind, which makes me want to probe it even more!

I continue to look at her lovely face and I lean down to kiss her forehead. As I do so, I hear a soft gasp and then an even softer mumble of "_Edward, is that you, have you came back? Oh, Edward"_ and I realise that my love has awoken but there are tears running down her cheeks.

All I can think of is that she is awake, she recognises me and she has spoken, but why oh why is she crying? I gather her even tighter in my arms whilst she sobs heart wrenchingly into my chest.

_**Well, that was Chapter 10, hoped you liked it! Next one will be Chapter 11, mmmm a bit obvious that one eh? No seriously the next one will be about?/ Ha ha ha wait and see!**_

_**All you need to do now is READ AND REVIEW………………**_

_**It does not take long so if you have the time to read then you have the time to review!**_

_**Thanks again**_


	11. Chapter 11

_**Hello there readers, I am back! Sorry for taking so long to update, been a busy bee lately, something to do with having to go out and earn a living! **_

_**Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter and please feel free to leave a review - good or bad, as long as I get one! **_

_**Once again I own nothing, not a smidgen of this story, well this is my story but the characters belong to the fab Ms Meyer and I can tell you that holding them all hostage lately is beginning to wear on my nerves! I can't keep them in mountain lions for much longer! **_

_**Anyway, enjoy…..**_

CHAPTER 11 - Home At Last

I held my love while she sobbed heart wrenching tears, the more she cried the tighter I held her. The selfish, vampire side of me was delighted that she had woken up and not only recognised me but spoke to me. The other part of me, if I could call it the "human" side of me, ached for her, she was in so much pain, a pain only I had caused, a pain so unnecessary. I needed to ease that pain and I would do anything to be able to take her pain away. I feel so much guilt for what I have done and I do not deserve to have her love me.

I must have held her for quite a while. Her tears soaked my shirt but I did not care, what was a shirt anyway? I did not keep track of time but eventually her tears subsided and her breathing slowed to a calmer pace, she hiccupped slightly and before long I realised that she had become silent.

My eyes fixed on her face and to my utter delight our eyes met , she had the most beautiful chocolate brown eyes in the world. Eyes which at this moment were glowing, despite the dark circles underneath. I spoke softly to her, giving her reassurance with the first words I said, "Hello love, how are you feeling?"

As she looked at me adoringly, I knew I did not deserve this, I was a monster!

"Edward, I love you" was what she whispered in a broken voice.

"As I love you my darling" I replied and held her even tighter in my arms. I closed my eyes in relief however her love is not something I am worthy of, she was too good and too kind for someone or should I say, some_thing_ like me.

"Are…are….y…y…you…h..h…ere to s…st..ay?" she stammered, it was as if she was almost afraid to ask the question.

"Yes my love, I am here to stay with you forever, for as long as you want me I will be by your side. I am so, so sorry my love, please forgive me?" I pleaded.

She closed her eyes and I held my breath, seconds later she opened her eyes again and said "B..b..but I…I..d..d..ont under…stand, y..y…you s..s..said y..y..you did…nt w…wa..nt m..m..me anym…m..more. Y..you s..s..said I w..w..was not g..good f..f..for y..you", she said brokenly and her words burn holes through me, she believed every word I told her that day.

If I could take her pain away I would, if I could turn the clock back I would do that too, if I could make everything right then that's what I would do. I resolved to make life better and brighter for her, make every second of every day the best it could be and without an ounce of pain in her life, ever. I would never again hurt her for as long as I existed.

I cannot fathom however how to explain this to her, how could I make her understand that what I had done before was done only to protect her, to make life safer for her. How do I explain that I got it wrong, that I made a terrible mistake and now because of it she was paying the price for that. How do I explain that I thought I was doing what was best for her. She was human and I truly thought I was making her life even more dangerous than it already was by staying with her, little did I know that my actions were making things worse for her. All I did was cause her more pain and suffering. I stupidly wanted to make sure she had the best chance of a normal human life, a life filled with joy, happiness and love, possibly a husband and children too. I wanted her to have all of these things and more. That is what she deserved. So, in order to let her have this I needed to leave, I needed to get away from her and let her live a normal life.

What was she doing with someone, no, what was she doing with some_thing _like me anyway? What was I? I was nothing but a monster, a soulless being, not fit to move in her footsteps. I did not deserve her, I deserved nothing at all, especially not her.

Since the day I had met Bella I felt that I had caused her nothing other than pain and suffering and though my actions were taken with what I thought were the best intentions I truly thought that I would no longer cause her this suffering, I did not anticipate that something like this would happen. It seems that the more she cared for me the more she suffered and I cannot stop thinking that there was no need for this angst and I wished more than anything possible that I could suffer this pain in her place.

I took yet another unnecessary intake of breath before I began the painful process of explaining my actions and the reasons behind them.

"Bella, I know you may not understand what I am going to say but please my love, let me tell you?" I said looking at her tear streaked face.

She looked up at me with wide innocent eyes, she did not speak or utter a sound so I took her silence as permission to proceed.

"You know I have special gifts as a vampire, we all have. One of those gifts is the ability to lie convincingly and make people believe in that lie. The day after your birthday when I went to into the woods with you I told you I had to leave Forks, and so did my family. Do you remember that?" I prodded gently to which she replied in a soft voice "Yes".

"Well, the reason why I told you we had to leave is that my presence here was beginning to bring danger to you and I thought that if I removed myself from your life I would prevent any of that danger harming you. I was appalled the night that Jasper could not contain himself, I should say that Jasper and I have spoken and we have sorted that out now. However, at the time I was sure that if you could not be safe around my family members then where would you be safe. So, I made the decision, a very stupid decision I might add, to leave you and let you live a normal, human life which you deserved. I lied Bella, I said you were not good for me and I had to go. It was the hardest thing I have ever done in the 109 years of my existence".

I stopped speaking for a moment in an effort to assess how much she was taking in and understanding. By now she had began crying again and I groaned and held her tighter again saying, "Oh my love, I have hurt you so much, please can you forgive me? I love you Bella, I always have and always will always love you. As I said, I lied that day and I will never forgive myself for what I have done to you, please my love, can you forgive me?".

I raised my hand and gently wiped the tears from her face. She immediately snuggled closer to my cold body and I hoped that this was a good sign.

She had not spoken and I was not in any hurry to force her to speak. I would wait until she was ready. As long as I could sit here and hold her in my arms and make sure she was safe and loved then I was happy.

She wriggled in my arms and I realised that she was trying to break free from me. I relaxed my arms and let her move away from me but not too far. I did not want her to move far at all form me. She looked at me with a strange expression on her face and I wondered if she was going to say that she did not believe me.

I thought for a moment that she was going to totally withdraw from me, tell me she no longer wanted or loved me. If she did then it was simply no more than I would deserve. So I waited patiently for her response, whether it be good or bad, the choice was hers and only hers.

She spoke so softly it was barely audible, "Edward, I know you love me, I love you but you _hurt _me, _really_ _hurt_ me. I don't remember much about the last few months but what I _do_ remember is horrible. I have a vague memory of running through the woods thinking that I could find you that night, obviously I wasn't thinking clearly because I should have realised that you would have sped off at vampire speed. It didn't stop me from trying to find you. All I remember after that was waking up in a hospital bed attached to tubes and machines. It was all a blur really and I don't think I want to remember it all anyway"

I was listening to her telling me this and during that time I sat rigid, I could not believe that she had done that, why on earth would she have tried to find me that night. Well, I knew the answer to that really but I had not realised just how upset she was that night at all. I was absolutely ashamed of myself, how could I not have seen how she felt that night, how could I have been so stupid. I could not speak for the emotion I felt and the anger I felt towards myself.

She began to speak again, "As I said Edward, I don't remember much at all, well I do have vague memories, and I don't know if they are true or if I dreamed them up, but I kind of remember something about people holding me down because I was screaming and crying, hysterical even, then I remember something about a needle so I suppose I had to be sedated. I don't think I was in the same room with all the tubes and stuff and it was not the same nurses this time. After all that, all I remember is Charlie's and my mom's faces but I even stopped seeing their faces after a while". She stopped speaking for a moment or two, it was as though she suddenly remembered something. She took a deep breath before continuing, "I think I was in some sort of hospital and I really don't have a clue why or what was wrong with me. All I recall is…." she shakes her head as though there is a memory but too painful to speak about it.

"Oh, I don't know Edward, what is wrong with me, it all got really confusing for me so I think I actually stopped thinking or maybe I even stopped dreaming, I don't know" she says sadly.

"Bella, you have been very ill, you were in a Ment…." I stop myself before I say the wrong thing, "You were in a…a..Facility in Washington DC, you had a breakdown after I left and had to be medicated. You seemed to be in some sort of trance, you did not speak to anyone, you did not acknowledge anyone, you did not eat or drink and they decided to feed you through a tube which you did not tolerate very well at all. You would pull out the tube most of the time but all of that happened before I found out you were in that despicable place. Alice had a vision of you and she contacted me and within hours we came to see you".

I stopped and looked at her face to make sure she was okay, she was, so I continued, "When Alice and I arrived you were totally catatonic and I could not get through to you on any level. The doctors said they had done all they could but I was not convinced so we contacted Carlisle and he spoke with Charlie about your treatment. Between them they agreed that we would take you out of that place and bring you here to our house and we would care for you so it was decided that my family and I would do this. We are going to make sure that you are going to recover, if it is the last thing I ever do I will help you recover and make it all up to you".

I stop talking once again and I realise that tears are glistening once more on her cheeks. This is almost my undoing and I lean down to kiss her ever so gently on her lips. She pulls herself closer to me and whilst I want nothing more than to continue the kiss I know that she is not strong enough for this yet so I gently withdraw and I hear her whimper softly in protest. "Bella, you need to get well, and you are not strong enough yet, please….."

She nods and says, "Okay then, but please just hold me, I've missed you so much Edward". I sit back and pull her gently onto my lap while securing the duvet around her to ensure that she does not feel the cold from my body. I cradle her in my arms and we sit quietly for quite a while.

Some time later there is a gentle knock on the door and it opens to reveal Carlisle. He enters into the room saying "Hello Edward, how is she?" I look at him and reply, "Well, she has woken up and we have been talking, she knows who I am and she is very lucid. I am so relieved Carlisle as I was very worried about her". Just then I felt Bella move and realise that she had not been sleeping at all and was listening to our conversation. I decide not to say anymore about her condition as I do not wish to upset or alarm her.

"Edward?" she asks.

"Yes love?" I reply

"How ill have I been, really?" asks Bella

I look to Carlisle for guidance on this as I really do not know what to say to her for the best. Carlisle decides to answer her question instead. "Bella, you are going to need a lot of recuperation time and I think you may need some sort of counselling. We will not force you into doing anything but what I will say is that during the time you were in the hospital, you were not really eating at all and they made a decision to tube feed you - it is a "peg" feed device. The food content is not very good but is full of the appropriate nutrition that you would have needed. The problem is that you would not tolerate the peg or tube and continuously pulled it out. This has resulted in you losing an alarming amount of weight. To add to this you have been very dehydrated. This would have came from the fact that being in a catatonic state you would not have been able to drink fluids or indeed water. We need to get you back on your feet Bella and this starts here and now today".

Bella looked from Carlisle to myself and I truly thought she looked terrified at the thought of this. I caught her hands in mine and said, "Bella don't be afraid, I will be here all the way with you, Jasper is going to use his counselling skills and talk to you with the intent of trying to get you to deal with your trauma. As I said you do not need to do this if you don't want to. I want what is best for you and to get you back to normal as fast as I can."

Bella simply nodded her agreement and said, "Okay, if that's what it takes to get me back to normal, I will do anything you want, but Edward you still have not answered my question, are you here to stay or are you going to leave me when I am fully recovered?"

I could not believe she would think such a thing and I was only too eager to convince her otherwise by saying, "Bella, I love you as I have never loved anyone in my existence, I promise you I will never leave you, I will be by your side for every moment of every day of your life. I will never ever abandon you again and I will never cause you pain such as I have again".

I was rewarded with the most beautiful smile I had ever seen, even her eyes glowed with happiness and the colour crept back into her cheeks. _How I missed that smile, that blush. _I vowed never to miss anything like that ever again.

Her simple response was, "Thank you Edward and I love you". "As I love you Bella, as I love you".

Someone cleared their throat and I realised that Carlisle was still in the room. I looked at him and said "Sorry Carlisle, we got a little carried away there, I realise you need to check Bella over so I will leave for now".

"No Edward, stay please, don't leave me" whispered Bella urgently.

I looked to Carlisle for guidance. _I think that if it helps Bella then I think you should stay_…he told me silently.

I looked back to my love and said "Okay, I will stay with you" and she smiled her response.

I moved away from her to sit on the leather settee at the side of the room. Carlisle proceeded to carry out his health checks, pulse, blood pressure, temperature etc and noted all of this information on the charts provided by the hospital, not that he needed it as his memory is all he needs to take the recordings but he likes to read things back.

Once he had completed all of these tasks he then sat down beside Bella and explained her recommended dietary intake which would detail what foods would be the best option for her to take in order to bring her back to her required weight. He explained that she would start off with lighter foods, possibly food items that have a more moist consistency so as to make it a little easier for her digestive process. Carlisle has also arranged for some high calorie drinks to be delivered to the house for Bella, not something that she would enjoy, but these he explained would be beneficial to her, and especially important when trying to gain weight. She grimaced a few times at the thought of eating but Carlisle gave her reassurance that they would not overload her with any foods and she would only be offered healthy options and foods that she enjoyed. She seemed a little more settled at the prospect of this.

He then went on to explain how the counselling process would work and what Jaspers involvement in this would be. He again reassured her that there would be no pressure on her to talk about things that she had no desire to speak of but every effort would be given to her to ensure that she received the support that she needed. She expressed a wish to have me present at all times and Carlisle intimated that it would not always be feasible or advisable for me to be there at all times. I could see the confusion on her face at this point, also the fear of the unknown so I looked to Carlisle to let him know that I wanted to reassure her on this. "Bella, I promise you I will be there as much as I can, or should I say, as much as Jasper will allow me. There may be times when you wish to discuss some things that perhaps you don't want me to hear and I understand that so I must also respect that". I did want to be with her throughout all of this process but I also knew that there were some things that she would be speaking about that she could not discuss in front of me. Yes, I would be able to hear her through Jaspers mind however I would be making a conscious effort not to listen, it would be only fair of me to do that. Apart from anything else, there were some things I do not think I wanted to hear, more for my own sake than anything else as I do not think I truly wanted to hear from her own lips the exact level of pain she went through when I all but abandoned her. There I go again, thinking of my own feelings, how selfish am I?

Bella seemed to accept this although she did not seem happy about doing so, "Okay if that's what has to be done then I will talk to Jasper alone but if I want you there, promise me you will be with me?" she asked.

"Of course I will Bella, anything you want I will do" I replied smiling at her.

Bella was the most important thing in my life now and no matter what the future held, she would always come first, now and forever.

Carlisle stood up and walked over to a small cupboard at the other side of the room and said "Bella, this is your medication, you need to take this every day at the same time. If I am not here to give it to you then Edward will help you. Is that okay with you?"

"Yes Carlisle, what is it for?" asked Bella

"It is an anti-depressant, but it is only for short-term use so don't worry about having to be on it for any great length of time. There are also some vitamins here for you to take to build you up a bit, again, is that okay with you?" asked Carlisle

"Yes Carlisle, but I have never taken stuff like that before, I hope it doesn't knock me out or anything" replied Bella with a worried look on her face.

"No, no Bella, they will not do that, you are not going to be on any sedatives any more, you have had enough of them and all for no real reason I think, so no, you will not be on this medication for a great length of time and the vitamins will only do you good", explained Carlisle.

"Well that's okay then, isn't it Edward?" she asked looking at me for reassurance.

I replied with "Of course it is Bella and I am sure you will be back to your normal self in no time at all, back to being my Bella". I reached over and lifted her hand in mine and kissed her palm and she smiled.

"Right then Bella, Edward, I will be going now as I have some paperwork to catch up on. Rest now and Esme will be up soon with some soup for you in a little while" said Carlisle.

"Thank you Carlisle for everything" replied Bella.

"You are very welcome Bella, very welcome indeed" answered Carlisle and turned to walk out of the bedroom.

Once Carlisle left I moved over to Bella and sat on the side of the bed beside her. Once again I took her into my arms, again securing the duvet around her so that she did not feel the chill from my cold body. I kissed her forehead and said to her, "Love, please try and get some sleep now, I can see the tiredness in your face and you need to rest to get your strength back".

She yawned before speaking and then said "Okay Edward…..I am a bit…slee….." and was asleep before she could even finish her sentence.

Yes, my love was the most important thing in my life right now and I would do anything and everything to protect her and to make it all up to her. My only worry now was how long would it take for her to recover both physically and mentally.

She would need time to recover, and time is what she would get. My family would make every possible effort to make sure we all played our part.

Once she had some sleep, Esme would be brining her something to eat and no doubt Alice would be bounding up the stairs at some point wanting to spend some time with her so if only for that reason she really did need her sleep!

I lay back holding my love in my arms and I began to plan our future together. If I were lucky I would have the next 70 years or so with her. Humans tended to live into their 80's or 90's if they were healthy and I would do my very best to make sure Bella would live that long. I was definitely not considering making her into a vampire, no matter how much I wanted it, it was not going to happen, not in this lifetime.

_**Well, I hope you liked it! Please leave me a review and I would also like to thank my lovely Beta Jennifer (AKA Miss JayJay) for all her hard work, a gem of a girl!**_

_**Remember and read a review - reviews are important and are treasured possessions!**_

_**I wont be updating until next week now as I am going away from a fab long weekend in Belfast with my friends - don't know what condition I will be in whilst there but who cares!**_

_**See you all when I get back - along with the reviews!**_


	12. Chapter 12

_**Hello readers!**_

_**I have not been on Fan Fiction for some time, indeed more than a year! I am ashamed of myself and for anyone who has taken the time and trouble to read any of my stories then I offer my most sincere apologies! There is one special reader who has taken the time to contact me and given me some reviews about my story and I am going to dedicate the rest of my story to her – Maddie – you know who you are! Thank you for contacting me and spurring me on to write more of this story and no doubt more of my other unfinished ranting's!**_

_**I read fan fiction all of the time and lately I have done more Beta work as I felt no one was bothering to read my work, alas I was wrong, there are some kind people out there who have taken the time to read my work! I cannot thank you enough!**_

_**Well enough of the blethering for the time being as I must get my muse head on now and start writing more chapters for my story entitled LOVE BRINGS PAIN LOVE BRINGS JOY (not the best title so if anyone out there can think of anything better then I am open to ideas!)**_

_**Chapter 12 is being penned as you read this notice so please can I ask you to be patient for a little longer and I can promise you it will be worth the wait!**_

_**Thanks again MADDIE for being there and reading my story – Thank you to all the others who have very kindly given me reviews and please please keep on reading as that's what makes it all worthwhile!**_

_**Biddy429**_

_**PS If anyone can come up with any scenarios that would work in this story then I am open to suggestion to adapt their ideas into my story – also I am considering doing some stories relating to Rookie Blue (my newest fav programme) and if I can get my head around it Emmerdale but only based on Nikhil and Gennie as I am a romantic at heart! Again ideas would be welcome so feel free to share…**_


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